Only In OzariumSynth-Fit Hair
���Has this ever happened to you?���A man in a suit and tie carries a brief case and walks down the sidewalk when, out of nowhere, a finger of wind lifts a corner of his toupee. He stops to adjust it. He moves on. It happens again, and he repeats the process of what he did before. Then continues onward. A few minutes later the wind does the same thing. This time, using its entire hand. This causes him to slap his own hand down on the top of his head to make sure the toupee doesn���t take flight. When he turns a corner the wind decides its going to take another swing. It reaches out and snatches the toupee, and if this isn���t enough to satisfy, it pitches it on the ground. If it had a foot it���d probably stomp on it too. The wind was like that. However, the stomp comes a second later. Not from the wind. Obviously the wind does not have a foot. What happens, though, is the flying toupee lands directly in front of a small boy and his mother. Not paying attention to the stealth mode of the hair, the woman steps on it and with a slight slip of her left foot, she nearly loses her balance. The man rushes over. ���Oh, my! Are you okay, ma���am?���The lady���s cheeks flush. Clearly she���s embarrassed. ���I���m fine.��� She grins. ���Just clumsy, that���s all.��� She looks down. She glances at the man���s bald head. Looks down again. Then back to the bald. ���Um. I���m so very sorry about that, sir. I didn���t see your hair on the ground.���The man smiles. ���No worries, ma���am. No worries at all. Sometimes this thing," he points at the fake hair, "has a mind of its own. Ha-ha.���The little boy looks up at the man and blinks and tries to picture the hair piece coming to life and crawling around on the ground. That���s what it would do if it had a mind of it���s own. At first the boy thinks it���s funny. Then, not so much, because image becomes a bit unsettling. Unsettling enough for the memory of the ghost inside his closet back home who likes to whisper the boy���s name and wave at the boy late at night while everyone else in the house is asleep. So, this poor man with sunlight bouncing off his scalp bends down to pick up his toupee and, like some rabid Tribble after the next Tribble to mate, it shoots off down the sidewalk with the help of a gust of more wind and slides under the wheel of a moving car. Then another car runs over it. And another makes it shoot out from under and fly.���Look at it go, Mommy!��� The boy laughs as he points a finger at the flying toupee as if it was most impressive thing he has ever seen in all of his 6 years on the planet. All the business man can do is stand there taking the punishment, beat down with embarrassment. The woman tells him to have a good day and drags her son off. The boy still points at the flying toupee. Still thinks it���s a mind riot.People pass the sad man, paying no attention to the bald guy with a tear in his eye. He wipes his nose and walks to his destination, horrid thoughts stuffed in his head that he has to now face people without his toupee. No one has ever witnessed his baldness. Not one person outside of his house. Not even a coworker. He���s afraid of walking in there and facing the inevitable. Them laughing at him. Making jokes. But, he has no choice. Pride of having that mask of reassurance has withered away like a flower.He opens the door and steps inside. The picture darkens and a scene of workers on a line in a factory appears. A tall man steps into view.���Here at the Gorrack-Shiffler corporation we not only produce robot maids, Tidybots, and Smart-Tats,��� he says, ���we produce artificial hair for men and women called Synth-Fit. Our toupees are both windproof and both fireproof. We guarantee it. Come by our local shop so we can fit-you-to-size with the correct toupee. This is how our product works: each design has a small microchip that sends a signal to release what we call Feelers. The Feelers are animated microscopic needles which suture themselves into your scalp and connect to your skull. This procedure is completely painless. This is just like going to someone who can perform acupuncture. The Feelers latch on and will never let let go. Ever. Unless you tell them to do so. Download the Feeler app to perform this task. You can program the hair to connect or disconnect or even set it on auto to adjust itself throughout the day. Need to change the style? Prefer a comb over? Prefer a part down the middle? Prefer a part on the side? How about a Mohawk? We���re not kidding! How about spiked hair in rainbow colors? It���d be rad, dude! The choices are endless! Synth-Fit Hair is at your disposal to do as you say. ���Your baldness will be hidden and you will return to the things you love. Such as riding your motorcycle. Riding your road bike. Swimming laps. Running. Being a hit at the party with a beautiful lady on your arm. Be incredible in the bedroom! The choices are endless!(Well, we can���t exactly help the bedroom part, but just wait, we might come up with a quick fix soon!) ���Come on by our shop and allow us to fit you with Synth-Fit Hair, the latest in hair replacement.��� 

 This has been an approved message from the Gorrack-Shiffler Corporation���