Today’s Trippin Tuesday I’m taking you with me on my trip to Calgary, Alberta for my walk for Lupus that I participated in on April 23rd of this year. This was such a humbling experience for me. It was, I’m struggling to find the right words to be honest. I wasn’t feeling good leading up to that day as a flare-up decided to grace my presence, reminding me I did not need or want lol.

For those of you unfamiliar with Lupus, it is an auto-immune disease that causes the body’s immune system to attack healthy organs and tissues, life with this disease includes chronic inflammation and pain (of the skin, joints, brain, heart, lungs, kidneys, and blood cells). It is often accompanied by another auto-immune disease, in my case, I also have inflammatory arthritis. My flare-ups vary from manageable to not getting out of bed and needing help getting to the bathroom and doing easy mundane tasks I usually can do (ex., cutting my food or washing my hair).

I was not feeling well that day but I showed up anyway xxx

Leading up to this event I was very inflamed, my clothes weren’t fitting, headaches, and overall feeling very gross and disheartened. However, I made a commitment and was determined to see it through. One of my best friends, Katie, came up and was doing the walk with me. I fundraised a little and have an open link if anyone wishes to donate to the Lupus Foundation of Alberta whose mission is to provide education and support to people suffering from the disease and work toward a cure. When we showed up at the venue, I was in awe of all the families that had turned up in solidarity with people they love fighting this battle and the costumes ( side note: next year I’m totally dressing up) were brilliant. We registered, grabbed our t-shirts, got in line for our photo ( FYI to the camera guy don’t make somebody feel bad by saying Oh it’s just you two before taking a picture mmkay) heard the announcements and we were off. It’s a 3km walk and I felt great afterward so I plan on doing the route twice next year to give myself a little more of a challenge.

Authentically myself ( I really dislike this picture lol)

They had snacks waiting at the finish line and once everyone was settled they gave out some awards for best dressed, etc. Now for the hard part, I’ve been struggling for words. When I was diagnosed with Lupus I was given an overview by my rheumatologist about this disease, what it entails, how my life will look moving forward, and the optimistic point that death from this disease was in their opinion quite low with proper precautions, lifestyle changes, and so on. But being me, I took to Google to do some research of my own which, let’s be honest, just makes it worse. too much information, not the right information, and vague information, so until that day I was firmly in denial of how serious this disease could be. They spoke about this family that was there, a big group of about 20 people who had been doing this walk since 2003 and had continued doing the walk long after their daughter had died from this disease in 2009. they created a beautiful framed art piece for them and the family all came forward to accept and have their picture taken with it. At that moment I did notice they were all wearing a shirt with her picture on the front and my heart broke for them. I openly cried for their loss and I openly cried for the realization that I now knew someone who had died from the disease I have. It was real now in ways it wasn’t before. I could do everything right and there was no guarantee. Life has no guarantee, ever. I struggled to find words for how I felt, for these strangers I had just met and felt for, to how I felt and finally understanding in some small way why it is so hard for my family to talk about it.

Go time…

I could ramble on but I feel like I should end this post on a positive. I did it. I have opened my heart and mind to all possibilities and ideas and adventures I can have with the time I do have. I will live with no more regrets, I will live with no more negative thoughts or self-doubt ( that is hard it’s a working progress) but the main point of all this is I WILL LIVE. I will be selfish with my time and my energy and when my time comes I will leave this place having done what I wanted, loved how I wanted, and content that although life handed me lemons I made one hell of a lemonade with it.

Till next time (and next year),

Love a contemplating life and humbled Magnolia xx