This past year, our family has been ravaged by sickness. There was one incident that was particularly memorable…

It involved our little boy, Teddy; aged 3 (almost 4). Several months ago, he caught a cold and cough, but nothing unusual that we had never seen before (and we’ve seen a lot!). On one of those days, his cough worsened, enough to keep him up during his nap and for the rest of the day. He was coughing pretty bad by then and developed a fever. We did our routine procedure of bringing down his temp; as much as we could, we left him in his room to rest. It was obvious he was getting more exhausted by the hour and needed to get some sleep. That persistent cough though…

At dinner time, we carried up his food to his room, situating him at the desk to eat. It had been a long day, tending to him and dealing with all the kids and man, I couldn’t wait to wrap up the night.

James and I were lying in bed after, while Teddy ate…

After a little while James checked Teddy’s camera and said, “What the heck, where is he? I don’t see him in the camera…”

Then James got out of bed and left to go check on him.

Not long after, James came back with the most sickening comment I have ever heard. “I have to call 911.”

Omg, my heart panicked. Those are the worst words I ever thought I would hear, especially coming from james who never panics. Immediately, I was worried sick. James told me to get dressed because I would go in the ambulance with him. I quickly got dressed and went to Teddy’s room. What I saw is something I will probably never forget again in my life. I saw Teddy, his eyes were rolled back and he was unresponsive. He had some throw up dribbling down his mouth onto his shirt and he looked completely lifeless or like he was unconscious. I was worried sick, my God. It broke my heart so much to see him in that state. Our sweet little Teddy who’s usually cheerful, bouncy, talkative and full of energy… seeing him completely not in his body in a normal way, I was scared shitless.

James told me to grab some of Teddy’s clothes to take with me to the hospital. I couldn’t FOCUS though, I couldn’t concentrate, I was SO panicked and flustered, I was about to lose it. I thought my son was DYING. I was muttering prayers, begging.. don’t let Teddy die.

Oh my God, the time between James’ sickening comment to us just WAITING for help to arrive while my son was, in my mind, barely clinging on to life, was one of the hardest periods of time I’ve ever had to live through. It was the most fearful, worried, and sad times of my life. What was it, like 10 minutes? Excruciating. Would he make it? Each second, we seemed to be losing him.  Please come.

When the police officer FINALLY arrived to our house, I felt all of my worries lift, because someone had stepped foot into our house who could HELP US.

Lord bless his soul. HELP had arrived. That kind of feeling is indescribable, and the level of awe, respect and gratefulness that comes at such a moment is overwhelming. There’s no way to measure that kind of emotion that comes with a life-or-death situation. When the officer arrived on scene and put his hand on Teddy, Teddy suddenly “awoke” from his unconscious state. His eyes focused and he revived back to life. I don’t know what happened but Omg, he was gonna be alright. The spark returned. He returned.

One by one, the paramedics and firefighters piled into our house, and goddamn, I couldn’t stop thinking how HEROIC these people were, that they RUSH to people who are in danger and save lives. That’s what they do for their JOB. They looked like angels, standing one by one around Teddy’s bed in our house, overlooking the scene, being there if we needed help. It astounds me that in these people’s minds, hold the knowledge of how to resuscitate people and bring them back from the edge of death. They rescue Loved Ones for a living. How extraordinary. How truly extraordinary and brave.

They wheeled us, Teddy and I being on the stretcher, into the ambulance and drove us to the hospital.

Entering the hospital, it was that same feeling as before, that all the hustling and bustling of these busy workers on the emergency floor is all to save lives, and again, I was filled with complete awe and admiration. I wanted to work in a hospital too, to contribute to these lifesaving efforts, but then I remembered I would make a terrible nurse. I am afraid of blood and injuries, and I panic easily, losing focus.

I really have so much veneration for these people who do this important work. It’s hard to describe the level of respect I have for them. They do things that I just find extremely valiant and awe-inspiring. They’re living superheroes.

This trip to the hospital kind of jumpstarted me again to want to focus on the important things of life, I felt the sense of urgency again, to do good and be good for the short while that I’m here on earth. I want to be good, as good as is possible, and to help humanity as much as I can with the greatest impact. Seeing those doctors, nurses and workers saving lives really motivated me. It’s such important work. I want to do work that’s EQUIVALENT to what THEY do. I’m gonna try my hardest and do my best to play my role on this earth.

It turns out Teddy maybe, possibly, had a febrile seizure. He had a really high fever at one point, it’s so scary when they burn that high, and that was his body’s way of resetting itself. “Most parents are afraid that their child will die or have brain damage. However, simple febrile seizures are harmless. Most children outgrow febrile seizures by age 5.” (mountsinai.org).

The officer who attended to us also mentioned that if it’s a febrile seizure, the child should typically awaken on their own after several minutes.  That is something I didn’t know, but it would’ve greatly soothed my soul, had I had this information beforehand. Interestingly, quite a few people around me had febrile seizures when they were little. I only found this out afterwards. We stayed in the hospital till like 2am something. We slept around 3am, it was a LONG night. I was so exhausted. But more relieved that Teddy was alright.

Seeing Teddy the way I saw him that night, lifeless, is probably something I will never forget as long as I live. I was so happy and relieved when he returned to normal. I was extra nice to him the next day and gave him lots of hugs and smiles. Even if he was starting to be annoying again, but I was just glad to have him back.

Life with 4 kids is often hectic, but my philosophy has changed a lot since then. “Everything may be chaotic, yes, but it’s okay. All that matters is… My kids are safe!”