Recently I was invited to talk at Brown University by a student-run organization called Umeed. Umeed’s mission is to help cancer patients in developing nations by fund raising and creating awareness on the health inequities across borders. They partner with Can Kids India, Pink Ribbon Pakistan and Foundation for Cancer Care in West Africa to continue their mission. I was invited because the president of the org watched my TEDx talk and read my memoir.

We were loosely expecting 25-30 people, 20 odd showed up. And that actually worked out really well. It ended up a close-knit session where I could make eye contact and speak to each attendee individually. I had prepared the material with a lot of thought to who my audience was. The demographic was largely male, almost all second generation Americans ranging from ages 17 – 24 year olds. I broke up my talk into sections. After a brief intro about myself I went to talk about my diagnosis, the reactions I received, the inadvertent victim blaming, followed by the cultural aspect of cancer. I then gave a few pieces of advice on what to say when someone shares something deeply personal with you and ended with the burden us survivors carry. A link to my talk should be available soon, I’ll share as soon as it is.

First off, kudos to the organizers and all the students that showed up. This is not a fun topic, lets just get that out of the way. What 18 yo voluntarily shows up to listen to a cancer survivor on a school night with no extra credit hours or incentive tied to it? Oh I forget, there was an incentive; cheap store-bought cookies out of a box and questionable lemonade, ha! I’m so used to corporate events that when ‘light refreshments’ is mentioned my mind goes to tiny portions of fancy hors d’oeuvres. This was the youngest group I had talked cancer with. Thankfully I kept the audience lifestyle in mind made sure to pepper (dark) humor into my talk. Now is this a questionable coping mechanism? Absolutely. Sidebar: This is the first talk I’ve done where I dropped the f-bomb! I did let media man Imaad know he can beep it out in the video.

We ended my talk by watching my TEDx talk and then opened up the floor to questions.

The first thirty seconds was quiet as there was hesitation in the room. But that silence was broken by, what I would say, was the bravest person in the room. I won’t share any details because I am not in the business of breaking trust. The questions were personal, insightful and the students were vulnerable. We talked about aging grandparents, family with special needs and how to have that difficult talk with the parents. Some got choked up sharing their story, some had tears. We talked about toxic positivity, false bravado and shouldering the responsibility of a caregiver. I was asked what kind of training would make for an effective oncologist, how to use empathy in everything we do and how to be a better patient advocate.

At the end of the event, few of the attendees asked for my email address. I am hopeful I hear back from some of them. One of the organizers told me she has never seen a display of raw emotion, be vulnerable and share intimate details in a Q&A like this. Brown Umeed ranks high up there in one of the most extraordinary experience’s I’ve had at a speaking gig. It is the courage of these young adults that had me floored. To be honest, I have colleagues that been the workforce for 15-20 years that could learn life lessons from these students. If this is the next generation of citizens we are cultivating, humanity has a bright future. It was an honor to speak at Brown.