This is #19 in a series of essays on aging.

Earlier I mentioned the psalmist’s prayer, “Teach us to number our days.” We are not to let days slip away but make the most of each one.

The prayer goes on: “that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

The end result of carefully tending our days is a heart of wisdom. That is worthy of some thought.

“Heart” is best conveyed in the phrase, “the heart of the matter.” At the very foundation of life, the center-cut of meaning, the dense core of relationships, the bull’s eye of choice, stands wisdom. At our heart, we want and need wisdom. And wisdom is gained through carefully tending our days, “numbering” them.

Wisdom has little to do with intelligence. You can be very smart yet utterly foolish. Wisdom has more to do with managing things. The wise person knows how to get done what needs doing. She or he knows how to avoid quarrels and get along. You want wise people on a committee with you; you want them at a family reunion. (They are good with the drunken aunt or uncle. They know what to do with an oven fire.)

Wisdom is certainly not a guaranteed result of living. People can act like fools at 90 as well as at 30. Long life does, however, give you the chance at wisdom. Wisdom is the possible fruit of a long life.

When to keep your mouth shut.

Why it’s important to tell the truth and not cut corners.

The value of encouragement.

Choosing your companions carefully.

The dangers of debt.

Downfalls associated with sex.

Downfalls associated with drinking or drugs.

The gains of personal integrity.

The value of hard work

One could go on almost infinitely. Wisdom is not a list of virtues. It is far subtler than that. It is a skill, really—the knowledge of how to live. It comes as the fruit of experience, for those who pay attention. If you truly want to learn, you learn. Difficult dilemmas? You’ve seen those before and you know how to tackle them. You know what can work. You know what may lead to trouble.

Wisdom gets passed on, often from parent to child or from grandparent to grandchild. To “gain a heart of wisdom” usually takes a combination of mentors who exemplify it, plus the careful attention to life that wants to learn and pays attention to life lessons.

Most older people, I think, have a sense that they have acquired wisdom. That is to say, they think they know a thing or two. I certainly feel that about myself. It’s not a matter of thinking highly of myself. It’s simply an acknowledgement that I’ve been to enough rodeos to know when the bronco riding will begin. If you are frazzled by your son’s behavior, I might have some helpful ideas. Considering how to plan a big anniversary despite the fact that people have different agendas? I might be a useful counselor. When it comes to the practical stuff of life, I’ve learned something. Not everything. But something.

Those who have acquired wisdom don’t go around talking all the time. (That’s un-wisdom.) But they should look for opportunities to put their wisdom to work. Take their grandchildren for a hike and talk as they walk. Join a committee at church. Take somebody to breakfast who seems to be struggling.

Wisdom is not a program or a set of ideas you articulate. It’s situational. You respond to situations.

Older people do sometimes withdraw from an active life, and understandably so, considering their loss of energy and sense of disappointment. However, withdrawal means discarding their one growing strength. They have seen a lot of life. Their wisdom has grown. That’s extremely valuable.

Wisdom is for you, primarily. It should help you know how to live your own life. You want to get along with your family members—that takes wisdom. You want to plan for the future—that takes wisdom. You want to experience joy and peace—that takes wisdom.

Unlike most of your resources, wisdom can grow as you age. If you pay attention. If you count your days.