The results are in and we have a winner: Norway’s Nidelven Bla . It comes to us from a little family farm about a few hundred kilometers from Trondheim, where the awards committee decides who in the world is the absolute cheesiest. It sounds fishy, but I’m quite sure the cheese is not. Nidelven Bla is a blue mold cheese with a firm, yet creamy texture, aged 11 months.

The cheese awards announcement fell into my inbox early yesterday morning. This was following a day of gluttony care of the cheese section at Wegman’s. It couldn’t have been more  fortuitous. I had picked up a six-month Manchego, gorgonzola picante, something called Cello Smoky Pepper Fontal, and an Instara P’tit from France. I’ve only tried the latter so far and I must say it is heavenly: buttery with a firm texture. I hadn’t picked up any of the listed award winners mostly because Wegman’s doesn’t carry any of them. Nor does any other place in the U.S.

Importers take note! You have an opportunity here.

The Gouda Cheese Shop in the Netherlands has an “Old Amsterdam” available. The Award site listed it as “Old Amsterdam Goat.” Gouda Cheese shop’s listing didn’t include “Goat” but there is a blue-ribbon next to the name, so I assume that’s the one. You can order this cheese if you like. They’ll export a five Euro wedge for a fee of 48 euros. At that cost, I’d consider just going to Holland. You’ll get more for your money.

Other winning cheeses exist in such places as Switzerland, Germany, Austria, Belgium. Nobody from N. America, France, the UK, or Latin America placed in the ten best list. Nor did Spain. No Manchego. What?

India placed. They have an interesting entry entitled Eleftheria Brunost. It’s a “Norwegian-style whey cheese,” tasting like “salted caramel milk fudge with brilliant lingering toffee notes.” I don’t know whether I should make a toasted cheese sandwich out of it, or ice a cupcake. Either way, I’m sure it’s fantastic. At 400 rupees a pop (5 bucks) I’d love to get some, but I don’t have a trip to Mumbai in my immediate future.

Importers take note! Opportunity abounds.

Gouda seems like a very flexible cheese. You can do so much with it. The Gouda Cheese shop has Lavender Gouda, Tri colour Gouda, Black lemon Gouda, Hot Chili Gouda, Herbs de Provence Gouda. What is it about Gouda that makes it so very experiment-friendly? I’ve got to get me some of these, they’re so colorful that even if I don’t like the cheeses, I can decorate the living room with them.

I didn’t have much luck with finding any of the other cheeses here in the U.S. But it was fun searching. There’s some great food out there and I want it all.

Importers: I’m begging you. Get on the cheese ball. Your public awaits.

–Sue Lange, author We, Robots (a scathing, sarcastic, funny account of the future)

*Apologies to Monty Python for stealing that line from LIFE OF BRIAN.