Imagine trying to describe to someone else what it’s like to eat a marshmallow. And, for our purposes, imagine that person had never seen, tasted, or even knew what a marshmallow was.

How would you describe it?

You could take a more descriptive approach to say, “It’s like a sweet, fluffy pillow that you eat.” Or you may spend time listing off the ingredients and scientific conditions that give a marshmallow its unique texture. Or, you may go with the simplistic approach and say, “It’s squishy candy” and leave it at that.

Regardless of what approach you might take, I hope you recognize that no matter how you describe it, like walking on the moon or being in love, someone cannot fully understand what it’s like to eat a marshmallow until they have experienced it.

The best you can do is to help them grow a little in their understanding.

In 2015, I received an answer for why internally I felt the way I always did. My doctor diagnosed me with depression.

Since that time I have tried to put into words how I would explain to someone else what my internal life is like. Yet, much like eating a marshmallow, I don’t think someone can fully understand it if they have never experienced it. But that has not kept me from trying to help others grow in their understanding.

One of the first hurdles that must be overcome when understanding what it is like to live with depression, is the limited nature of our language. Any person who has experienced loss, grief, or disappointment has likely felt the real, human experience of feeling depressed.

Yet, similar to how a stress headache is not the same experience as having a migraine, feeling depressed is not the same as living with depression. In each case, the intensity, duration, and causes tend to be quite different. That is not to say either is invalid, but neither are they the same experience.

Another hurdle that must be addressed is the breadth of ways depression manifests itself. One person may have trouble sleeping while another sleeps all the time. One person may binge eat while another cannot bring themselves to eat anything. One person may throw themselves into work or hobbies or video games to silence the depressive voices, while another cannot bring themselves to set food outside of their bedroom.

While these challenges are real, I believe there is also value in pushing through to understand the experiences — even the uncomfortable ones — of others.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, over 21 million Americans deal with depression. These are your family members, friends, neighbors…or even your pastor. Throughout this blog series, I plan to offer some personal reflections on what it’s like for me to live with depression and some recommendations on how you can support those you love who are fighting their own invisible battle.

No…I don’t think I’ll fully be able to help you understand what your loved one is dealing with. I do, however, hope I can help you be more informed and act in an understanding way. Because when it comes down to it…trying to describe what it’s like living with depression, is a lot like trying to describe what it’s like to eat a marshmallow.

For mental health resources in your area visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

If you know of someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts, encourage them to text HOME to 741741.
A trained volunteer at the National Crisis Text Line will anonymously help navigate whatever crisis they are going through.