In life, airplanes, and religion we are told to help ourselves first. As children we are often are taught to put the needs of others ahead of ourselves. In traditional etiquette we serve guests first. But that teaching is flawed. To care for ourselves first is biblical, Matthew 7:5, “remove the plank from your own eye before removing the splinter of your neighbor.” It is also a rule of aviation, “Affix your own mask before helping someone else.” In church and airplanes we are reminded, you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else.

Taking better and better care of yourself is your superpower. Pouring love, nourishment, and attention into yourself is the most impactful gift you can give. A long time ago we were talking about high schools and my uncle made the most beautiful observation. “When else in life are you surrounded by people telling you how wonderful you are? How brilliant you are! How there is no one else in the world like you! And how your work is needed to make this world a better place? Any school that does that insulates you for life.” Because whenever you doubt yourself or think to question yourself you need that reserve of self-love. Self-compassion acts as a buoy to lift you up out of whatever choppy waters you may be experiencing. Loving yourself and giving to yourself is the best form of preventative medicine and care.

There’s also this beautiful teaching that comes from the research of Dr. Brene Brown. Dr. Brown tells us we cannot give to our children that which we do not have. So all of this is telling us, if you don’t have compassion, love, patience, or kindness for yourself – how can you possibly teach your child to have it for themselves? They do not see and appreciate what we do for them, the see and emulate how we treat ourselves. So, if only to prevent the perpetuation of the mistaken belief that we must stress ourselves out, run ourselves ragged, or embrace performative busyness in order to have value. We need to stop pushing ourselves beyond our limits. 

We need to start honoring our limits. And more than that, embrace your boundaries. If you don’t want to attend the event, don’t. Instead, make an alternate plan. Go to dinner on another day. Rest when your body calls for it. Eat when you’re hungry. And watch the snow fall outside your window. Snow is not in a rush to find the earth, it floats, it is pushed by the wind and rests on whatever branch or building it finds first. Snow trusts that it will land wherever it is meant to be. So relax, enjoy the ride, be like snow. Pour into yourself all the love and tenderness you can bear. It does make you stronger. It is a superpower to feel so loved, so grounded, and so embodied that you need not look beyond yourself to feel your absolute best. 

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