I’m going to do something different for this week’s post instead of dropping some unsolicited writing advice, updating you on my various projects, or dropping words of wisdom. Well, I may be doing that last part a bit in the text, so bear with me. I’m going to forgo my usual jokes and ads because I feel this message is too important to be bogged down with my regularly programmed bullshit.

As a disclaimer, I wrote this from a place of love. Yes, there is some annoyance in there as well with some of the response I saw from recent events, even when well-intentioned. I bit my tongue dozens of times, but I feel as if I have to say something before stepping aside once more for the sake of our people in trouble. This should all make sense by the end of this posting.

There are things I’m not qualified to say, and I want to share this with my fellow cisgender people in the queer community and beyond. We’ve all seen the news over the last few weeks and the discourse around it regarding the horrible shit happening to our trans siblings in our various communities. If you value their voices and identities, please just shut up.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t care. We absolutely should and most of us do. With the tragic and unnecessary death of Nex Benedict and the pile of news about trans rights being taken away on both a state and federal level without any support or insight from the Oval Office, things for trans folks aren’t looking great. The last thing they need is cis people summing up their troubles for them and offering their takes on what’s been happening.

We all mean well and care, but there are things, in my opinion, we shouldn’t be doing, and I say this with the utmost respect for all of us looking after those being targeted by hate. That being said, please consider the following steps:

Don’t insert yourself into the discourse. Don’t make this all about you chasing social media clout. Have and show unwavering support and empathy toward your trans friends and acquaintances, but do so with a respectful quietness. Share posts and stories from trans folks instead of creating your own narrative unless it affects you directly. Listen to them. As someone who is cisgender, you can’t fully understand how it feels to be targeted by what I can only call a cold genocide. Just because we care doesn’t mean we don’t have a privilege when it comes to our existence in the eyes of society, harsh as that may sound.

Before I end this, I want to reiterate that we should be listening to our trans and nonbinary counterparts. They were right about everything all along, and we should be supporting them as best we can when things get darker. That means stepping aside and shutting your mouth so their voices can be heard. When we push ourselves into their narrative, they tend to get lost in the shuffle.

So offer your support and condolences when necessary and be angry for the shit they’re facing. Empathize as best we can for their plight, and hug the trans people in your life extra hard. But when it comes to adding to the discourse, leave it to them.

-Daniel Aegan 2/28/24