Hey everyone.

Hope you are all doing well?

I thought I might do something a little different and fun today. I was doing some digital decluttering a little while ago (pc files, photos and random things clogging up my computer and iPad – you know how it is) and I came across an old piece of writing that I did at least ten years ago, maybe even more. This is well and truly before I even thought about writing anything, let alone a book or two.

You see, at the time, I was trying to find some sort of work that I could begin to do from home as I had been diagnosed with a debilitating condition that I knew was going to eventually take me from the workforce. I was self employed at the time and with the knowledge that I would have to close my business down at some near-future date, I began looking for work from home opportunities.

Remember Agony Aunts? The “Dear Abby” style columns where you would write in with your problem and get advice, usually placed in newspapers and magazines? I don’t know how I came across an application form for this type of work but I did and figured, why the hell not? I was already used to people coming to me for advice in real life so I thought I might be good at it. But to apply, you basically had to write answers to a whole lot of pretend questions along with writing an original article piece on depression/anxiety, within a specific word count limit. Some questions were crazy and outlandish. Example: Help! I think my boyfriend is an alien – what should I do? (An everyday problem, for sure! ) But some were quite serious and required great thought and consideration. So, as I’m a rational, logical, sensible human () I answered them with great care and sensitivity, even the ones where someone’s uncle looks like a goat and they want to encourage plastic surgery to them. (Another nutcase pretend question, I “kid” you not.) To be honest, I had a nagging suspicion that this process wasn’t fully legit, that they most likely stole the answers applicants put through but I couldn’t really prove it and it was just a “feeling” so I dismissed it. (I know now not to ignore my intuition, being older and wiser).

The article on depression/anxiety that I submitted, in my humble opinion, was pretty good. Looking back on it now though I can see all the errors and places I could have expanded and written with much more finesse but at the time, I was pleased with it. So, I’m attaching it here, in all its original glory, errors and all !And I’m going to kindly ask you to rate it out of 10 for “good” advice.

“0” means it’s absolute hogwash.

“10” means I’m a genius.

Tell me honestly – how did I do? Would I have made a good Agony Aunt, based on this advice? Would you have hired me???

And so……what happened with all this?

Absolutely nothing!! Zilch! Zip! Never heard back from them!

Mind you, they did say that they receive thousands of applications constantly so maybe mine just got lost in the shuffle a mystery never to be solved. However, I take comfort in the knowledge I’m still the one friends and family come to regularly for a balanced viewpoint. I’m a Libran – balanced viewpoints are my thing.

Looking forward to your scores!!! Have at it!

As always, with love,

Zelly

PS: If any of you have a real problem you’d like me to tackle, just write to me….let’s see how I do!

P.P.S. Ms Mary Hall……please check for emails and get back to me!

HOW TO COPE WITH ANXIETY.

I wish there was one simple answer to this question – it would certainly make life easier for many people. But there isn’t, as it will depend on different factors such as how anxiety manifests in you and what works for you.

Anxiety can manifest in different forms such as nervous twitching, insomnia, compulsive behaviour, phobias and many other things. As someone who suffers with anxiety and depression, for me it manifests itself in insomnia and a very slight compulsive behavioural change.

There were some very distressing events that lead to my anxiety, events that brought about a fear and uncertainty over my ability to keep a roof over my family’s head and some major health issues. I didn’t change from being a secure and calm person one day and wake up the next morning full of nervous tension – it was a gradual thing. The more uncertain my circumstances became, the more anxious I became in response. Naturally this brought about new challenges on top of existing ones, which in turn made me further unsettled and soon enough I was sinking further into depression and was put on antidepressants. It added sleep deprivation to my troubles and also, little compulsive behaviours like double checking that I’ve locked the door, double checking car doors, or checking things two or three times.

I’ve learnt that these little habits I developed were a sign of my lack of security – that double checking things is my attempt to control the little things whilst the big things in my life were out of control. This made absolute sense to me. It’s highly unlikely that a person who feels secure, validated and in control would feel anxiety. It can happen, of course, but not as often. We’re anxious as humans when we feel threatened or insecure, invalidated or fragile. That’s how anxiety and then depression developed for me. Your own story may be very different or it may be similar.

So, how do you cope? I believe it depends on you as an individual and on how it manifests.

For example, if you don’t suffer with insomnia as a symptom of your anxiety then a sleeping-better suggestion for you is useless and won’t work. If you do have sleeping problems, however, then you might find that some of these suggestions help you :

-having a drink of warm milk before bed time or a calming herbal tea such as chamomile

-NOT taking a nap during the days (if you’ve been doing so because you’re so sleepy )as having a little snooze then will possibly hurt your chances of getting a good sleep later at night.

-talking to your doctor about possible sleeping tablets. There are many different natural and pharmaceutical products available and perhaps through trial and error you can find some that works for you

-meditation. This might sound like such a cliche and in fact I thought so myself but I find this actually works for me. It took a few tries to get the hang of it because one of the things anxious people suffer is a brain that just won’t “shut down”. I would lie awake at night with my mind racing over all my problems and all that did was make me tired. I didn’t solve any of my issues this way. I had to learn to shut my brain down and by doing so, I became calm which lead to falling asleep.

If you’ve never meditated before, I’d suggest trying it the first time by finding a nice quiet comfortable spot, maybe turning on some low soothing music – or not, whichever you prefer. Close your eyes and take several deep breathes, in through the nose, out through the mouth and if you like, in your mind, picture a place that for you is calm and serene, making a favourite place by a river or lake, under a tree, or laying in a hammock. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s a relaxing scene to you. Try to imagine yourself there in the comfortable spot, while you take deep breaths. If you find thoughts sneaking in, then gently push them aside and visualise the scene again. Do this for at least 10 minutes to start off. You might find it difficult to stay 10 minutes straight initially but the more you do it, the more you’ll improve.

I find that doing this while I sit or lie in bed, really works for me. It might help you too.

Whether or not you suffer sleeping difficulties, here’s a few other suggestions that may prove useful in dealing with anxiety.

-Finding hobbies and activities that relax and fulfil you : there is something to be said about doing the things that truly make you happy. If you can find a way to do this on a regular basis, you may find this keeps anxiety levels down. Whether it’s something creative that you enjoy, or doing a fun activity such as dancing or walking or simply reading – whatever it may be, the very fact that you enjoy that activity will release calming hormonal responses in your body.

-talking to someone : whether it be a professional counsellor, your doctor or your best friend, talking about your issues can help you in many ways. The input from the other person could be very helpful in resolving issues as they can perhaps give you some clarity. Also, just sharing a burden or worry can half the weight of it in many cases.

-exercise. For some people, exercise is how they cope with anxiousness. They might find the exertion of physical exercise can tire them out sufficiently to sleep well and also keep calm. Therefore finding a suitable exercise, whether it be running, swimming, boxing, or dancing, is important because you want to be able to do it regularly AND enjoy it.

These are just a few simple suggestions. However, the most important thing I can recommend is to share your anxiety with someone. Don’t keep it to yourself and try to disguise it, pretending that all is well when it isn’t. Tell someone, talk to someone – you may be surprised at how much support and help will come your way. When I opened up to friends about my anxiety and depression, I discovered a wealth of care and concern from people who genuinely cared about me.

Try some or all of these suggestions to find which work for you. Or maybe you’ve thought of something entirely different. The key is not to give up if one doesn’t work, keep going and keep trying. Talk to someone… And breathe!

HOW TO COPE WITH ANXIETY.

I wish there was one simple answer to this question – it would certainly make life easier for many people. But there isn’t, as it will depend on different factors such as how anxiety manifests in you and what works for you.

Anxiety can manifest in different forms such as nervous twitching, insomnia, compulsive behaviour, phobias and many other things. As someone who suffers with anxiety and depression, for me it manifests itself in insomnia and a very slight compulsive behavioural change.

There were some very distressing events that lead to my anxiety, events that brought about a fear and uncertainty over my ability to keep a roof over my family’s head and some major health issues. I didn’t change from being a secure and calm person one day and wake up the next morning full of nervous tension – it was a gradual thing. The more uncertain my circumstances became, the more anxious I became in response. Naturally this brought about new challenges on top of existing ones, which in turn made me further unsettled and soon enough I was sinking further into depression and was put on antidepressants. It added sleep deprivation to my troubles and also, little compulsive behaviours like double checking that I’ve locked the door, double checking car doors, or checking things two or three times.

I’ve learnt that these little habits I developed were a sign of my lack of security – that double checking things is my attempt to control the little things whilst the big things in my life were out of control. This made absolute sense to me. It’s highly unlikely that a person who feels secure, validated and in control would feel anxiety. It can happen, of course, but not as often. We’re anxious as humans when we feel threatened or insecure, invalidated or fragile. That’s how anxiety and then depression developed for me. Your own story may be very different or it may be similar.

So, how do you cope? I believe it depends on you as an individual and on how it manifests.

For example, if you don’t suffer with insomnia as a symptom of your anxiety then a sleeping-better suggestion for you is useless and won’t work. If you do have sleeping problems, however, then you might find that some of these suggestions help you :

-having a drink of warm milk before bed time or a calming herbal tea such as chamomile

-NOT taking a nap during the days (if you’ve been doing so because you’re so sleepy )as having a little snooze then will possibly hurt your chances of getting a good sleep later at night.

-talking to your doctor about possible sleeping tablets. There are many different natural and pharmaceutical products available and perhaps through trial and error you can find some that works for you

-meditation. This might sound like such a cliche and in fact I thought so myself but I find this actually works for me. It took a few tries to get the hang of it because one of the things anxious people suffer is a brain that just won’t “shut down”. I would lie awake at night with my mind racing over all my problems and all that did was make me tired. I didn’t solve any of my issues this way. I had to learn to shut my brain down and by doing so, I became calm which lead to falling asleep.

If you’ve never meditated before, I’d suggest trying it the first time by finding a nice quiet comfortable spot, maybe turning on some low soothing music – or not, whichever you prefer. Close your eyes and take several deep breathes, in through the nose, out through the mouth and if you like, in your mind, picture a place that for you is calm and serene, making a favourite place by a river or lake, under a tree, or laying in a hammock. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s a relaxing scene to you. Try to imagine yourself there in the comfortable spot, while you take deep breaths. If you find thoughts sneaking in, then gently push them aside and visualise the scene again. Do this for at least 10 minutes to start off. You might find it difficult to stay 10 minutes straight initially but the more you do it, the more you’ll improve.

I find that doing this while I sit or lie in bed, really works for me. It might help you too.

Whether or not you suffer sleeping difficulties, here’s a few other suggestions that may prove useful in dealing with anxiety.

-Finding hobbies and activities that relax and fulfil you : there is something to be said about doing the things that truly make you happy. If you can find a way to do this on a regular basis, you may find this keeps anxiety levels down. Whether it’s something creative that you enjoy, or doing a fun activity such as dancing or walking or simply reading – whatever it may be, the very fact that you enjoy that activity will release calming hormonal responses in your body.

-talking to someone : whether it be a professional counsellor, your doctor or your best friend, talking about your issues can help you in many ways. The input from the other person could be very helpful in resolving issues as they can perhaps give you some clarity. Also, just sharing a burden or worry can half the weight of it in many cases.

-exercise. For some people, exercise is how they cope with anxiousness. They might find the exertion of physical exercise can tire them out sufficiently to sleep well and also keep calm. Therefore finding a suitable exercise, whether it be running, swimming, boxing, or dancing, is important because you want to be able to do it regularly AND enjoy it.

These are just a few simple suggestions. However, the most important thing I can recommend is to share your anxiety with someone. Don’t keep it to yourself and try to disguise it, pretending that all is well when it isn’t. Tell someone, talk to someone – you may be surprised at how much support and help will come your way. When I opened up to friends about my anxiety and depression, I discovered a wealth of care and concern from people who genuinely cared about me.

Try some or all of these suggestions to find which work for you. Or maybe you’ve thought of something entirely different. The key is not to give up if one doesn’t work, keep going and keep trying. Talk to someone… And breathe!