[EDITED 05/21/2024]

The term “neurodivergent” describes people whose brain differences affect how their brain works. That means they have different strengths and challenges from people whose brains don’t have those differences. The possible differences include medical disorders, learning disabilities and other conditions. [1]

What does a neurodivergent person act like?

Neurodivergent individuals often experience differences in mental function, learning styles, sensory processing, communication styles and behaviors. They may struggle with soft skills such as emotional intelligence, social interactions or the ability to work effectively in a group. [2]

What conditions count as neurodivergent?

Generally speaking, to be neurodivergent means to have a type of brain that differs from the neuro-majority, says Kaye-O’Connor.

“I think of it as having a different operating system, so a neurodivergent person would have a way of experiencing and being in a world that is different from the ‘norm,’” she explains. [3]

According to the Internet, anxiety is also considered to be Neurodivergent. To be diagnosed with this new umbrella term you could have autism, ADHD, and a whole array of mental disorders. I self-identify as someone who has sensory issues and anxiety. I used to have severe depression and anger issues as well.

For me, this can mean a lot of things. Sometimes when my anxiety is acting up, mentally and a bit physically, my whole body is itchy. It doesn’t matter if I go bathe and scrub off some skin that’s too dry, then come out, dry off and put on the lotion. I still feel itchy all the way to my scalp those days. And can we talk about how sometimes when I have a headache, even the clicking of computer keys is tremendously loud? As is the creaking of floorboards and dripping of faucets. I hear the hum of the fridge and car door that just slammed down the street.

I’m also a textures person with food a lot. I don’t like gritty (onions, coconut shavings), squishy (mushrooms and tomatoes), and I love soft squishy sherpa blankets and plushies. Make that make sense.

As far as the typical non-typical learning function goes, I’ve learned stuff like all the facets of how to publish books in a matter of only a few months probably compared to what took others years and a team of people to do. I used this to do freelance work for years. (I wish the pay in that field was better. I miss my editing/formatting peeps.) I had a pretty high IQ score and a decent GPA for only 30 hours logged with the local community college. I found out I can do well learning from reading, videos, and other means. I don’t need to be sitting in a classroom taking notes for three solid hours once a week. I can learn by myself if I want to know something and can focus.

Right now, I haven’t been able to focus at all. The horrible anxiety, quitting smoking, and finally getting some energy back so I can clean the house from top to bottom, among a few emotional trials for chapter two… I’m getting some help from a doctor for the anxiety. Although the withdraws from smoking suck, they aren’t enough to make me want to retreat from the world a bit and go back to my safe place inside my heart and mind. [2023]

The doctor said I was bipolar and gave me medicine to make me sleep—and so started a journey of chemicals to alter my brain in 2023. My fog would make me forget how infuriated I was with bullies. People I thought I could trust who I had known, but never truly relied on, even when they said I could—hyper independence—had turned on me. So, it was a sad state I was in mentally. This revision is because I want to tell a nitty-gritty version of 2023. Of course, we’re going off of what I remember.

I used to disassociate a better life, one less lonely, but I think I don’t really do that anymore. I just don’t talk to most people about the shit that lives inside my mind. Good or bad. I think I yearned to not be so alone because it can get lonely as hell in the darkness. I paid for it with my heart, like I always do. This forced me back into my mental place inside my heart once more. [2024]

Right now, I’m definitely not myself and am trying to find my way back to a happier place in my heart. I didn’t use to think I deserved such a place as a Magic Shop.

What’s a Magic Shop?

It’s a safe place in your heart where people who love you and want to be a comfort to you live. A place where the sounds of music and soft whispers of affirmation live.

Most of the time, I’m the one who tries to spread those good/love vibes into the world. To be the one who’s here for people and safe person to come and sit with them when people need it.

In 2023, it was difficult and my heart was heavier than it had been in years. That happens when you quit doing something your body is used to having. This habit change was drastic for my body, much like a drug addict quitting the one thing that kept them somewhat sane. I don’t regret it. I can breathe so much better in 2024!

I didn’t know leaving the Magic Shop in February 2023 would do what it did. It didn’t go well so I retreated and came back to that place inside myself, locking the door forever on some souls. I made that decision because I feel like trusting people when I’m paranoid and can’t sleep isn’t my best idea.

I believe it’s all part of a psychological journey I’m on. One where I learn to love myself, fix the shattered pieces (old Japanese gold in the cracks edition—meaning you’re worth more when you get fixed), and become more than just a safe space for others.

I’m home. I’m still learning, still growing, and one day, perhaps I will venture out again with my heart.

Magic Shop is a track in BTS’ third Korean studio album, Love Yourself: Tear. This track was co-written and co-composed by Jung Kook. It describes the Magic Shop as a place of refuge for the heartbroken, a place of healing for the disturbed, and a place of love for those who are lonely.

BTS – Magic Shop (English Translation—Provided by Genius Lyrics)

[Verse 1: V, Jung Kook]
I know that you’re hesitating because even if you say the truth
In the end it will all return as scars
I’m not going to say anything blatant like “find strength”
I will let you hear my story, let you hear it

[Verse 2: RM]
What did I say? I said you’d win, didn’t I?
I couldn’t believe it (really) Could I win it?
This miracle that isn’t a miracle
Did we make it? (No) I was here
You were the one that made your way to me
I do believe your galaxy, I want to listen to your melody
Your stars in the Milky Way, don’t forget that I found you anyways
At the end of my despair, you’re the last reason
For me who was standing at the edge of the cliff, live

[Pre-Chorus: Jin, Jimin]
On days I hate being myself, days I want to disappear forever
Let’s make a door in your heart
Open the door and this place will await
It’s okay to believe, the Magic Shop will comfort you

[Chorus: Jung Kook, Jimin]
While drinking a glass of hot tea
And looking up at the Milky Way
You’ll be alright, oh, this here is the Magic Shop

[Post-Chorus: Jung Kook & Jimin & V & Jin, All]
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
Show you show you

[Verse 3: j-hope, SUGA]
Like a rose when blooming
Like cherry blossoms when being scattered in the wind
Like morning glory when fading
Like that beautiful moment
I always want to be the best
So I was impatient and always restless
Comparing myself with others became my daily life
My greed that was my weapon suffocated me and also became a leash
But looking back on it now, truthfully
I feel like it’s not true that I wanted to be the best
I wanted to become your comfort and move your heart
I want to take away your sadness, and pain

[Pre-Chorus: Jung Kook, Jin]
On days where I hate myself for being me
On days where I want to disappear forever
Let’s make a door, it’s in your heart
Open the door and this place will await, Magic Shop

[Chorus: V, Jin]
While drinking a glass of hot tea
And looking up at the Milky Way
You’ll be alright, oh, this here is the Magic Shop

[Post-Chorus: Jung Kook & Jimin & V & Jin, All]
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
Show you show you

[Bridge: V, Jimin]
Would you believe me
If I said that I was scared of everything too?
All the sincerity, the remaining times
All your answers are in this place you found
In your Milky Way, inside your heart

[Chorus: All]
You gave me the best of me
So you’ll give you the best of you
You found me, you knew me
You gave me the best of me
So you’ll give you the best of you
You’ll find it, the galaxy inside you
[Post-Chorus: Jung Kook & Jimin & V & Jin, All]
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
Show you show you

Cited Sources:

Jennifer Oneal Gunn, Writer, Poet, Artist, Mom

#JenniferOnealGunn #MentalHealthPost #Depression #Anxiety #Neurodivergent #MagicShop #BTSxARMY