Tonight's supper
I think I’m getting a handleon this soft food business—Jordan said tonight it’s good to see me hungryagain, but I think I was always hungry. It was just that the things I thought Icould eat had no appeal—I was getting tired of yogurt and applesauce. So forlunch today I had a leftover piece of Dover sole. No one in my familyunderstands that I like cold food as well as hot. Christian would have insistedon heating it, but I ate it out of the fridge. I squeezed more lemon over it,added a layer of mayonnaise, and topped that with grated Pecorino. Served with

fresh watercress because I’m aware I’m not getting good leafy greens but am abit cautious of salad. Then again, who can resist watercress. It was a deliciouslunch, and I have another piece left for tomorrow. Yes, I did offer it to Jordan,but she declined—her loss.

Tonight, though, I fixed thedish I’d been thinking about—eggs scrambled with a diced green onion, dicedtiny tomatoes (maybe not a good idea because of skins), smoked salmon, and ahuge spoonful of cottage cheese. With more watercress. Tasted so good, and itwas nutritious and pretty to look at, though I warn if you try it, the eggswill seep as you eat—it’s the cottage cheese separating and nothing to worryabout. And I finished both meals with chocolate bonbons. I am in danger,however, of running out of bonbons. I’m not normally an ice cream devotee, andI think now I’m interested in them mostly for the chocolate covering. I amafraid to try my beloved chocolate-covered salted caramels. All in all, I feelwell fed. Now for some ideas for the rest of the week. One day I have toeliminate all good things—meat, dairy, mayo, etc. and eat lots of leafy greens.I can sauté in olive oil, so I’m working on that. Sauteed cabbage sounds good,but no one would eat the rest of the head. This is all for a Pet Scan.

Me with a bob
on a good hair day Me with short hair
(and Megan)
I am struggling with thedilemma common to older ladies and always ongoing—short hair or long. When Ithought I was gaining weight, especially in my face, I let it grow into a bob,which it did fairly rapidly. My thought was that longer hair lengthened myface, and Rosa, my stylist, agreed. But now, my face probably thinner andfacing medical matters, I’m thinking short hair might be the better choice.Neither my daughters nor Rosa have been helpful about this, all saying it’s upto me. I think I want someone to step in and make a decisive call. I have untilFriday to decide. Rosa, who has been coming to the house to cut my hair eversince I lost the ability to walk unassisted, has set Friday morning for hernext visit. Opinions welcome.

Yesterday I took my courage tomy computer and sent a memo to friends saying how much I welcome their visits,but that I requested upbeat, cheerful talk—right now I don’t want to hear aboutillness, medical procedures, other people’s experiences, surgery, funerals, orrelated topics. I think it was the late Norman Lear who was once very ill andrequested that people laugh a lot when with him. It worked wonders toward hishealing—and if I’m right about Lear it means he lived a good long life. So Iwant happy talk—politics is fine because that fascinates me, jokes are good,food is good as long as it’s not steak and the like. The memo had immediate results—Inow have guests scheduled for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. (Friday is Jacob’shigh school graduation, and I will be going to the pre- dinner at Joe T.’s butnot the graduation—Jacob gets few tickets, and all of us have been to so manygraduations; I guess that’s what happens when you’re number five grandchild).

Today’s sermon at church fitnicely with my conversational prescription. Russ Peterman began with theassertion that there is not a soul on earth who doesn’t want to be happy. I’mnot sure, because I see a lot of people who make themselves miserable. But followinghis premise, he went on to say none of us can define happiness. We don’t knowwhat that elusive quality is. Certainly it is not wealth nor success nor fame.Finally the conclusion came that happiness is a byproduct of a life lived forothers. It reminds me of one of my writing friends who talks about living lifebeyond ourselves, concept I truly believe in. But for the time being, until Iget through this rough patch, I am going to be living life for myself, with asmuch attention and care to others as I can muster.

Maybe, just maybe, happinessis having a dog lie next to your desk while you write. If I had moved to get abetter picture, he’d have moved. So this is what I see in the evenings, and Iknow he is there.Benji on guard