I married my lovely husband one year ago, and while the marriage has been calm and (mostly) easy, the wedding, at times, was a lot. A year on, I have some thoughts I want to share.

#1 We Spent ~$17,000 – I am Glad We Didn’t Spend a Cent More

Weddings are expensive. The average cost of a NZ wedding is something crazy like $35k. Let me be clear: Money and how we manage it is largely about priorities. There is no right or wrong way to get married and no right or wrong amount of money to spend on your wedding. That being said, for us? This was plenty!

#2 I am Not Sure How I Feel About Wedding Parties

My plan, initially, was to have just family in my wedding party—mostly because, as a child of an immigrant, I know what it is like to feel left out, and I didn’t want anyone to feel like that at my wedding. But then a friend went above and beyond, and I knew I would regret it if I didn’t include her in my day. She is amazing.

Last year I was a bridesmaid for two weddings, and was not only honoured but enjoyed those days.

That said, I cannot help but feel it is a bit cliquey. Who do you include, and who don’t you? How many bridesmaids do you stop at? Do you pay for their dresses? What about their hair and makeup? Do they pay for your bachelorette party? How much are they expected to do? So much politics!

Luckily for me, all my amazing wahine are all still in my life, but I have heard many examples of big falling outs either because of the wedding or after the wedding.

I don’t know the answer because I enjoyed having bridesmaids overall, especially on the day. But I would have also been fine without them, and the people that matter to me would still have been included.

#3 I am Glad I Splurged $1500 On a Wedding Dress

This was a splurge relative to our budget, but so worth it! Feeling beautiful on such a big day is important.

#4 I Loved Our Personal Touches

My bridesmaids wore different dresses but the same colour—black. Our celebrant was a close friend. We quoted Kahlil Gibran. We invited anyone who wanted to make a speech (but they had to keep it under 2 minutes), but there was also no pressure for traditional roles to speak. For example, both my husband and I spoke, but my sister, who was my maid of honour, didn’t because she didn’t want to.

#5 We Should Have Had Someone Video

For budget reasons, we opted not to have a videographer, but even a shaky video of the speeches would have been so special! Oh well, at our ten-year vow renewal, surely?

#6 I am Glad I Had My Makeup Done

I almost didn’t—for budget reasons—but I am so glad I did! For photos, makeup really matters, but more than that, on such a big day, it is lovely to be forced to sit still, no scrolling, no stressing – just relaxing. It was great.

#7 You Need Your People

Despite the temptation to elope, we decided to have a wedding because weddings and funerals are the most common reasons people come together. In a world that is often sad and hard, why not have more excuses to dance, right?

My brother-in-law and his partner flew in from Canada. Our friends came from Australia, and lots of others travelled from all over NZ. It meant so much. And at the end of it, that is what weddings are about: two people, two families—and in our case, two cultures—coming together to share joy and love.

#8 It’s Just One Day

We were lucky enough to have no major issues on the day. Our glassware wasn’t delivered, so my husband had to deal with it in the morning. I was twenty minutes late. My veil fell out – I still don’t know where it is – and I didn’t get my Pinterest photos. But that was it. We had a lovely day, and there isn’t much I would change if I had a do-over.

That being said, I have read and watched so many AITA threads —I have a slight obsession with them —about big things going wrong in weddings: family feuds, infidelity, drunken brawls, and the venue getting messed up.

We had none of that. But even if we did, it would be one day, and ultimately, it is the marriage and the love that follows that matters the most. So, if you are wedding planning and happen to read this, breathe. It will be okay—although make sure your veil is pinned!