A few days ago, I happened to see this tweet from @CeliaBedelia:

My daughter asked, “Do you ever have any regrets, Mom?” And while I know she was asking this question on a philosophical level, my mind immediately went to this puffin sweater I saw in Iceland. It’s been 3 years since I saw it in a shop there, & I still regret not buying it.

Her comment struck a chord with the Twitterverse. Her post received hundreds of replies about similar missed shopping opportunities and garnered thousands of likes.

I have my own story about the same sort of regret, along with some ideas about living with no regrets.

On Saturday 5 March 1994, we were in Munich, Germany. I wrote in my journal:

I actually saw a poster advertising Barry’s European tour and his date in Munich. I looked around to see if I could find one pasted on a wall that I could steal! (Don’t judge me!) The one I saw was in a store window. Since the tour is postponed indefinitely, I may try to go back to the store (if I can remember where it is!) and try to buy that poster.

Alas, it was not meant to be. After touring Neuschwanstein Castle the next day, I wrote:

Once we got back to Munich, we walked up the Marienplatz trying to find the Barry tour poster. Either my memory is failing, or I just saw an overwhelming amount of stuff yesterday. In any case, we couldn’t find it again (sob).

I always regretted that I didn’t go in that music store and try to buy that poster when I was standing there! I looked for the poster for years to no avail.

On 15 February, I decided I’d finally put this remorse out of my life. Somebody in Germany had an eBay listing for the Hamburg poster in that long-canceled 1994 tour. Since I never found the one for Munich, I thought Hamburg would be close enough. I bought that poster!

In the glorious perfection of the Universe, 3 days shy of the 30th anniversary of my original sighting in Munich, the poster arrived at my house! It was in almost mint condition, as if it had been waiting for me for 3 decades.

I had it framed, and I can say without any bias that it looks spectacular! I hung it in my craft room with my other framed Manilow art. To be clear, when I say “I hung it”, I mean “Drew did the work while I watched!” We had to re-arrange that whole wall and move one of my other pieces to accommodate this new addition.

I’m not sure it’s actually possible for me to be completely free of regrets. However, I’ve found these rules help me minimize and eliminate them:

1. When shopping, the time to buy it is when you see it.

One of the respondents to Celia’s tweet included a picture of a store interior in which the owner displayed a sign that read “Nothing haunts us like the things we didn’t buy.” Given the overwhelming responses to her tweet, I think it’s true!

2. The corollary to the first rule is “If I have it, I’ll find a place for it.”

Almost always, the thing in question would be an impulsive purchase. I used to talk myself out of buying things because I didn’t know where I’ll put it. Repeating this tenet out loud helps me know whether the item truly has lasting appeal and needs to be in my life or would be quickly forgotten if I walked away from it.

3. To quote my favorite line from Gone With the Wind: “Askin’ ain’t gettin'”, to which I always add: “If you don’t ask, you don’t get!”

You’ll never know what will happen unless you ask for what you want. You might be turned down. You might be ignored. But what if you get the answer that changes everything?!

This principle is very important in the Law of Attraction. You have to be very clear about what you WANT and ask the Universe for it or something better. 

Sometimes it’s hard to have the courage to ask, which leads to the next guideline.

4. Feel the fear, and do it anyway.

Susan Jeffers wrote an excellent book with that title that I found to be helpful when I read it years ago.

Resistance shows up in many ways, with the leading method being some type of fear. I don’t necessarily mean some big fear like the loss of a home or relationship. I’m talking about little — and possibly also irrational — fears, like worrying what someone will think about me or being afraid to audition for an audiobook because I might feel overwhelmed with the workload if I were cast for it.

I have to push all those types of thoughts aside and just DO whatever is in front of me.

5. Be kind and compassionate to myself and remind myself that I’m doing the best I can each day.

This rule is the most important and the most difficult to implement. I’m not always successful at it.

It’s all too easy to fall in the trap of “could have/should have”, which can lead to a downward spiral of negative thinking. Continuing to blame or criticize myself for my (in)action in some past situation doesn’t change the situation or help me feel better about the outcome. It only keeps me stuck and not living my best life in the present moment.

Do you have a shopping sorrow or a way to combat regrets? I hope you’ll share it in the comments!

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