An AI generated image of America's first long table--
or so they would have us believe.
Not much diversity or inclusivity1
Whoa! Did I get in bigtimetrouble for my blog post last night. I who am wallowing in the care and loveand support of my family, apparently offended them because they interpreted mypost about no dinners in the cottage as whining that they—specifically Jordanand Christian—don’t come to see me anymore since I’m not serving dinner. Thatwasn’t at all what I meant—and I did say that Jordan is out here several timesa day checking on me. My point, if I had one, was sort of sociology, a commenton the fact that food draws us together—as families, as neighbors, as communitygroups. We are closest to others when we gather around the table. I justhappened to use my family’s current circumstances to illustrate.

That does not at all mean thatmy cooking, sometimes wonderful and other times appalling, was the only thingthat drew the Burtons out here for supper. If they didn’t care about me, evenJulia Child couldn’t have gotten them here for dinner—and mostly on time. Iknow that well, and I thought they did. They came so we could gathertogether—and food, specifically dinner, provided the reason for the gathering.No that there’s no food—well, I do offer yogurt, etc.—there is no gathering, noset time and reason. And everybody’s busy.

I hope it’s clear that no onecould ever do more for me than my children, with Jordan as the captain of thearmy. She keeps track of my medical appointments—time, place, dietspecifications, etc., if there are any. Because I don’t hear well on the phone,she has most calls directed to her and asked me the other day just to tellpeople to call her. She has a separate folder for each specialist we’ve seen,with notes on the visit. She has, in effect, become my personal assistant, andI don’t see how anybody goes through a medical crisis like this without her.Christian, too, spent many days going with us to various appointments, untilJamie arrived and took over his duties. Jordan is doing this while dealing withher own luxury travel clients—and tonight they are both worried because theyhave decided they will have to put their remaining old dog down next week.Their lives go on, but they have put them on the second burner for the timebeing to take care of me. It’s ten o’clock at night and Jamie is sitting in hiscar right outside my door, taking a business call from Hong Kong. He’ll likelybe there until two in the morning.

No, they were not the subjectof the blog. In fact, they were no more than illustrations of an idea. A storythat seems to fit here: in one office recently, I introduced Jordan and Jamieas my daughter and son. A few minutes later, the tech, filling out one of thoseendless forms, asked me how many pregnancies I’d had. When I said, “none,” shewhipped her head around and stared at the three of us. What I think happened inthat minute was that she felt the love between us and couldn’t believe me.Jordan explained that they are adopted, and she seemed to accept it. It made methink of when I had a hip revision—my kids were all four gathered in thesurgical waiting room when my brother walked in. Later, he said, “You couldfeel the love in that room. It was tangible.” That’s what family is about.Gathering for dinner is an entirely different thing.

All myadult life, I have loved cooking for a crowd. In a hunting cabin in Missouri,where the bedroom was a check coop that had been cleaned (thank goodness) andattached to the house, I had dinner parties for my friends and mythen-husband’s fellow medical students. One night I fixed those good Jewishboys stuffed cabbage and, following the recipe, topped the dish withgingersnaps. One by one they walked through the kitchen, lifted the lid, andsniffed, “That’s not how my mom did it.” That may have been the beginning of mycooking for others. In subsequent years I cooked in big houses and smallhouses, fixing holiday dinners for twenty, Sunday supper for at least fifteen,dinner parties for eight and Christmas parties for sixty or seventy. It all hadto do with bringing people together to eat.

Inrecent years there as been much talk of the long table. Perhaps you’ve seen thememe that urges “Don’t build a high wall—build a longer table.” In other words,don’t wall people out. Invite more to dine with you. There is today acharitable organization called The Longer Table. This is from their literature:“Something magical happens when we sit to share a meal—strangers become friends,and neighbors become family.” That’s what ‘s been missing from my cottagelately, due to circumstances beyond our control. I think when I get throughthis rought patch, I need a longer table so more can enjoy what Jordan, Christian,and I have. That when we sit together to share a meal—strangers become friends +neighbors become family.

 

Something magical happenswhen we sit together to share a meal—strangers become friends + neighborsbecome family.