You Never Have Time
I’ve been reflecting on my past relationships over the last couple of weeks and alongside journalling I wrote this small piece, I feel it may expand in time but it could just freeze in time and stay as it is.
I could apply this to a few of my relationships in which there was an initial investment in me at the beginning and then things changed over time. The effort started to deplete and dates became non-existent. I used to feel unwanted, unloved and neglected. There are moments when I would become desperate to be noticed and I would crave that next bit of affection, I’d seek it out for validation because my self-worth was little.
Now, I try to refuse to go down this path because I know it’s a lonely one. I know this is from my childhood trauma and it has projected into relationships in my adulthood.
I’m developing my self-worth and self-respect, I know what I bring to a relationship and I know what I deserve from someone in a relationship with me. The challenge is sticking to this and not giving into ‘love’, the love I seek is what’s inside of me that needs to be nurtured.
Without further adieu, here’s the piece I’ve written:
You Never Have Time
You never have time for my warm embrace
You never have a moment to make my heart race
You can’t spare a minute to notice I’m there
You can’t take a second to share that you care
I wait for the glance to show you my smile
I wait for the small touch to feel you for a little while
I think to myself that I will be in your thoughts
I think, think and overthink that I could be your next forethought
© Jennifer Gilmour 2024
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