Painting: Eaton Hamilton 2024

Cold wax and oil on oil board 12″x16″

ID: Woman lies on her side on green surface, green bkgd

Are you a literary asshole for telling folks you dislike their writing? I’ll never forget once doing a reading, sitting in the crowd when a woman leaned forward and said, “Hey, didn’t you win the CBC Literary Award?” “Yes,” I said, “I did.” Feeling a little proud. She said, “That was a year the wrong story won.”

WHY THANK YOU, ASSHOLE.

Here’s another literary assholery. I was one of the judges in a big lit award and we chose a new author’s first book. I went up to congratulate them after the award ceremony and they said, “I know who you are! You launched your book at the same location I launched mine, the same week.”

“Oh, okay,” I said, not having realized that.

“Because a u bunch of my friends went to your reading by mistake when they meant to go to mine.”

Yup. Just why? Why be such a bad citizen? I never read another word that person wrote. I mean why would I?

I know re: my CBC story the reaction was probably transphobia, right? I mean, the story, “Smiley,” appeared in En Route with a warning tag saying something that essentially meant, Just because we’re publishing this shit doesn’t mean we support this shit. I checked the French writer’s winning story. Nope, no warning. I don’t know what the other incident meant, other than the writer was a total dick. I wanted to say, “Asshole, I just gave you an award.”

I could tell stories for years without stopping. But check out Kristen Arnett at Lit Hub instead.