Although I have been asked many times to write something for “older HSPs,” how we in particular may experience aging and the problems that come with it, I have resisted, resisted, resisted. So many people my age are obsessed with this stuff. Honestly, I have always thought the subject boring. We are all getting older. So what?
However, I am about to turn eighty and that does feel like a noticeable change in status. Further, I just spent some time (three different full days, one night) in a hospital, new for me, which ended with a procedure that turned out fine, but did involve a week of pain afterwards. I repeat, I am fine. Better than ever. No rumors, please. But I know age means more of this sort of thing.
So is there anything I have learned from my medical journey that might help other HSPs when they find they are dealing with illness, medical stuff, or just losses due to aging?
(Note, I have nothing to say for the moment about retirement, loss of loved ones as we grow older, the positive side of aging—all the other things you may wish I would write about. This is all I can muster. And as with the pandemic, aging may be the same storm for all HSPs, but we are in different boats, meaning very different situations. So I do not wish to generalize too much.)
This will be short, but I can say the following:
Figure out what you need medically and ask for it until you get it. This is a time when you must speak up.
Be unfailingly kind and interested in the medical personnel helping you. Ask about their kids, their hobbies, what they will do when they get off their shift.
These new friends will be your allies when you have to ask for something you need. Be interested in them and they will be interested in you.
Watch for signs of their being an HSP—many medical personnel are. Bring it up and they usually will be interested, even if it doesn’t fit them. Maybe they have a child or parent who is highly sensitive. It’s a great topic of conversation if you do not make it entirely about your needs. Still, they will associate you with sensitivity and you want that.
Life has two aspects, the relative and the absolute (call it God,
nirvana, pure Being, the transcendent, the beyond-personal-self). I hope you know both aspects. I especially hope you can
experience the absolute, as a brain state, not just an idea. This will probably be through a meditation practice that has regularly taken you to the absolute. If you have not begun such a practice yet, it is never too late. This is important because there is nothing like body issues, pain, medical stuff, and all the rest to pull you into the relative until it seems like that is all you are. Fight back. Go to the Absolute as often as you can, for solace and simply for the bigger picture. Fall asleep turning to it. Wake up remembering it. You are more than this thing you are being treated for. Way more than this.
About the losses due to aging: Accept them gracefully. What choice do you have? You can be sour, bitter, envious of the young, or sad, but that’s not a good place to linger. Feel it if it is there, then keep letting it go. Be grateful for what you still can do. Role model grace and gratitude for everyone coming behind you, who will be where you are soon enough.
About death: As an HSP, you have naturally processed deeply the fact of your mortality. But here is my personal advice: Don’t give it much more thought. Have reasons to live. Death will take care of itself.
Older HSPs Have Better Balance That Those Without the Trait
Just before I wrote this blog, the following very timely research study came through.
Casanova, L. H., Luhr, J. H., Aguilar, M. A. C., Chacón, A., Chacón, M. P., King, K. H., … & Espinosa, C. N. (2024). The High Sensitivity of Sensory Processing and its relationship with postural balance in older people. Retos: nuevas tendencias en educación física, deporte y recreación, (58), 308-314.
It was done in Chili, with 77 persons over age 60. This age group is important because of the greater danger from falls as we get older. There was a significant association between scores on the HSP Scale and ability to maintain one’s balance while eyes were closed. Participants stood on a special platform for measuring their balance, told to stand looking straight ahead for 10 seconds, then to close their eyes and do the same. This was repeated with an unstable platform of foam. There was no difference when eyes were open, suggesting that eyes closed is especially tricky. You don’t have their fancy platform, but try standing on one foot, beside something you can grab onto if you start to fall. You will see that keeping your balance with your eyes closed is especially difficult. You need all your ability to sense subtleties in your body, part of the gift of being highly sensitive as we age.