It’s a terrible thing to lose your joy. And even worse to lose hope. But earlier this spring and summer, that’s where I found myself.

One week after receiving welcome news of “no new cancer spots” and radiation to my skull and pelvis looking successful, I began having extreme fatigue and, soon after, unexplained pain in my pelvis and a low-grade fever.

I thought, surely it can’t be related to cancer since I just had a CT scan that showed “good news”. But the fatigue, pain, and fever continued to worsen, to the point walking across our yard became a burden. Multiple visits to my PCP and attempts to contact my oncologist proved fruitless. My symptoms were passed off as merely side effects from radiation I’d had earlier in the year.

In the meantime, I grew worse and was living on Tylenol. Eventually, I wound up in the ER with a 101 fever, extreme fatigue and constant pain. I was checked for sepsis, among other things and was told I had bacterial bronchitis. Though I did have a bit of a congested cough, I was skeptical that could be the full problem. I was given fluids and sent home with an antibiotic.

Amazingly, though my fever and pain didn’t go away entirely, the antibiotic did help, But it didn’t last. Three days after stopping the antibiotic, my fever and pain started to worsen again.

Finally, I was able to get in to my oncologist. From my symptoms, she agreed something was going on, so ordered a full PET scan which told a far different tale than the CT scan I’d had six weeks earlier. The cancer had progressed throughout my body–from my skull to my femurs. Apparently my current Stage IV cancer medication I’d been taking had stopped working at some point and the CT scans hadn’t detected it.

Anemia, fatigue, pain, fever, severe night sweat, weight loss. You name it. I had it. I’d never been one to take naps, but at this point, I could do nothing but. I would wear out so easily and need to rest by mid-morning and again for a couple hours in the afternoon.

I was losing the joy of living and any hope for a future.

Many were praying alongside my husband and me during this time of trial. The Lord heard our prayers and began to move–starting with my attitude. When I’d all but given up hope, He gently reminded me that no health problem or difficulty can steal my hope of salvation. I am His and He is mine regardless of how short or long I have on this earth. If I left this life, Heaven awaited me. What a glorious thought!

That truth began to light a flame of renewed hope in my heart. I clung to that hope and prayed for wisdom as my husband and I sought the next step.

After seeking three doctors’ opinions, I began iron infusions and a new chemo infusion treatment. On my own, I also made some nutritional and supplemental changes to try to boost my depleted body. Within weeks, I was noticing a difference. My pain had lessened. The night sweats and fever were all but gone. I could walk and do things I hadn’t been able to for months!

Though there were the typical chemo side effects to deal with, by the third week after treatment, I was able to enjoy life again. Better still, I began to sense the Lord was renewing my joy. Partly due to feeling better, but it was more than that. I’d rediscovered where my hope and joy lie–in my relationship with my Lord and Savior.

Though my circumstances haven’t changed. These treatments are known to help stay the cancer only 8-10 months (not very long), and my options afterward are few (mainly clinical trials), I have a peace in knowing the Lord is in control. I’ll be on this earth not a day longer or shorter than He deems best.

While we continue to pray for His healing hand to rid me of cancer permanently, I’m clinging to the hope and joy of each new day, knowing my life is in the palm of His capable hands.

**What brings you joy and hope in the midst of trial?

Inspirational Historical Romance set during the Civil War era

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