The Art of Going Slow

I’m entering a new phase in my life.

There’s a lot going on in so many different aspects of my daily existence, and I can sense that it means there’s a shift coming. Big or small, there are things getting set in motion that will lead me in a new direction, and I am excited for it.

One of these shifts is in education: I am returning for yet another masters degree, only this one is explicitly meant to help me branch into the field that I want to be my career. Because, as much as I want to be a full time author (and I am still working very hard to reach that goal), that may never happen, and even if it does, it will probably be many years away, if not decades. But that doesn’t mean I can’t look for something new that I can step into to pay the bills while I work on that ultimate goal.

I’ve been looking at different online graduate degrees since I left my ex-partner, and at first I thought I wanted to go into marketing. But the degree options for that field were either an M.B.A. with a focus in Marketing, or some kind of Communications and Digital Media degree. Which, I’ll be honest, sounds cool, but doesn’t actually prepare you for any specific field. And, especially in the field of marketing, it’s less about your degree, and more about your experience. I have intermediate experience with marketing, and the skills I still need to be good at it, I can learn on my own without spending tens of thousands of dollars on a degree.

Last week, though, a thought came to me and it made me start looking up a completely different kind of degree. And after some research, I found the program I know for a fact I want to attend. It’s an online program in Technical Writing.

I already have tremendous experience within the writing field, and with two masters degrees competed, I also have experience with academic and research writing; all of which are great foundations to the field of technical writing. And the great thing about technical writing is that it’s a skill that can be applied to myriad industries: healthcare, technology, science, the environment, etc. The job of a technical writer also comes with amazing growth potential and advancement opportunities, not to mention an above average salary. Technical writers can go on to get jobs for Google and Microsoft and Apple, and a host of other enormous companies.

I was surprised this idea hadn’t occurred to me before, but now that it has, it feels like the perfect fit. I’ve been working on my application, and my hope is to start in January. The program focuses heavily on helping students develop an impressive digital portfolio, while also instilling the principles and knowledge needed to perform the job efficiently. The program I found is a one year program, so I could have this degree completed in as little as 12 months. It’s extremely exciting.

Of course another shift in my life right now is in the new romantic relationship I’ve been pursuing. This man and I have been seeing each other since the middle of July, and it’s been going extremely well! We’re taking it slow — something I’ve never done in a relationship before — and the results are proving that it was the right choice. Because as much I like him and would love to be committed (and ya’ll, it’s a level of attraction and chemistry and respect and affection I haven’t felt for someone in a very long time…maybe ever? It’s THAT good), rushing into things has never served me well. If I want this to turn into a relationship that lasts, then I need to treat this differently than all of my other relationships.

And while many people would say that I shouldn’t let a relationship influence my life so much, I also have to acknowledge that I am (almost) 36 years old, and I want my life partner. I want love and romance and that kind of connection where you know you’re safe and seen and valued. And it’s not that I don’t give those things to myself, because I do; I’ve healed a lot since my divorce, and my self-esteem has grown significantly. But I can still be a strong, healthy, vibrant woman who is passionate about writing and literature, and also want to be married again. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. I know what I want from life, and marriage with the life partner of my dreams is one of those things.

That doesn’t mean the relationship I’m in now is becoming my entire life. I’ve known people who didn’t have an identity outside of their relationships for one reason or another, and not only are they the most toxic people I know, their relationships are miserable, no matter how hard they try to pretend otherwise. And as someone who has struggled with codependency, it’s not a pattern I want to keep repeating. So, we’re going slow. We’re enjoying our time together. We’re learning about each other. And goddamn, it’s wonderful to be with someone who loves physical affection!

I’m also still in therapy, still healing from past wounds and trauma, and still learning to manage my depression and anxiety. Because this process isn’t one that will ever be “finished.” It’s uncomfortable; it’s painful, and it’s aggravating at times, but I can see the difference it makes. I am completely different from the woman I was when I left my ex-husband. It’s noticeable. And that means I am on the right path.

I’m also still writing; sometimes, I have to adjust my deadlines, but I am still putting pen to paper and getting words written. I’ve written a lot of poetry lately — might actually have the beginnings of a new poetry manuscript in the early stages of development — and I’ve been revising my other two fiction manuscripts, both of which are still slotted to be released this year. And while there’s been some setbacks and adjustments, I’m a better writer for it. Making those tough calls can be hard, but I’d rather put out a quality manuscript and write more slowly than rush and publish something that isn’t anywhere near as good as it could be.

Change can be scary, but even then, it can also be good. And healthy. There’s been a lot of changes going on in my life lately, but they’re all pointing me in some new and beautiful directions. Hopefully, these paths will lead to a new experience with education, a new and loving romantic relationship, and more books published.

Love and light to you all.

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Published on August 26, 2024 13:53
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