It’s easy to tell ourselves we can’t say “no.” The reasons are many: If we say no, we’ll let people down. We’re being selfish. We should be able to handle it. We’re pushed by guilt, pulled by obligation. We resist “no” out of fear of rejection or the elusive search for perfection.

Perhaps our “no” has not been received well in the past. There have been consequences, raised eyebrows, sighs of exasperation. So we abandon our “no” like a tattered suitcase, donating it to what we believe is the greater good. Surely we don’t need it.

But this is what we often miss: We are always saying “no” whether we use that exact word or not. Because every time we say “yes” to one thing, we are also saying “no” to something or someone else.

When we say “yes” to the task that’s not our responsibility, we say “no” to whoever would have gotten that emotion and energy. When we say “yes” to the chronic taker, we say “no” to taking care of ourselves. When we say “yes” to meeting the expectations of someone who is unpleasable, we say “no” to the embrace of grace.

So the question isn’t, will we say “no” or not? Instead it is, how will we use our “no” today?

Our “no” is a powerful force. It can set boundaries, protect time or the people we love, create safe space for our minds, hearts, and bodies. It can align us with the heart of God and his purpose for our lives.

Jesus often said “no” to human demands and disappointed people with his refusal to align with their plans. He said “no” when his followers wanted an earthly king, a crowd wanted another free meal, Peter wanted him to avoid the cross. An intentional, loving refusal isn’t selfish; it’s a reflection of our Savior. Sometimes “no” is the way we say “yes” to God’s best.

Holley

P.s. If you reply to an email I send, your words will land directly in my inbox. Even if I can’t respond to every message, I gratefully read each one.

More than Small Talk Podcast: I loved this conversation about the relentless tenderness of Jesus toward women. If you missed it, you can listen here.

To celebrate back to school season, all of my online courses are on sale! Yay! Which one would help you most: Heal After You’re Hurt, 7 Ways to Thrive as an Introvert, or Be a Kick-Butt Writer by Friday? Sharpen your pencil, pull out your notebook, and find out more here.

A reader recently created and sent me this video, sharing her helpful and creative book summary of You’re Already Amazing! Hearing what encouraged her – encouraged me! Thank you, Jocelyn, for reading and kindly taking the time to share with others.