Some of my favorite quotes from my mom… she’s a hoot.

My mom: I can’t buy more [Noah’s arc-themed baby nursery things for a nonexistent grandbaby]; I’m running out of hiding places. Your father will think I’m nuts if he finds them.

———————

My mom: If I had to choose a Big Bang character who was most like your sister, it would be Sheldon. Don’t tell her that.

———————

My mom: She said her husband had an affair with her best friend. I don’t think she should call that woman her “best friend” anymore.

———————

(While we were on vacation, touring a Buddist temple in Japan)

My mom: Here, buy this from the nice monk; it’s a fertility charm.

Me: Mom, shouldn’t I at least be in a relationship? I mean… I’m making good money now… I guess I could do the single mom thing. [The monk, who likely can’t speak English, is now smiling and nodding at us.] Okay, sure, why not… He thinks it’s a good idea, so who am I to judge?

My mom: Right… let’s buy the relationship charm first.

———————

My mom: Of course they have commercials in England; Dad and I watch shows on BBC all the time.

Me: Mom, that’s BBC America.

My mom: It’s the same thing.

———————

My mom: I didn’t forget. I misplaced the memory.