This past weekend taught me a valuable lesson on bragging. For many, if bragging was an Olympic sport, I know a few who certainly would win a gold medal in it. I know that I’m not alone when it comes to dealing with braggers. Almost no one likes a show-off, but most people like to show off, even a little bit.

Whenever you show off, you run the risk of looking too satisfied and downright conceited. I’ve learned that the best way to brag about yourself or your family is by not bragging at all. Let other people brag for you. Since our feelings of self-esteem and self-confidence rest on being able to take pride in our achievements, it’s not okay, but healthy to brag about yourself if it’s bragging about yourself to yourself. Giving yourself a mental pat on the back for doing a good job can help boost your feelings of self-efficacy, prepare you for future successes, and even avoid the experience of depression, but when you are downright drawing attention to yourself or your children on great personal qualities or something that you’ve done, it’s the least desirable way to brag.

Bragging shows that a person has a powerful negative trait information about the sender. It is not easy to be on the listening end of all the bragging that goes on around us, especially from parents. We live in a culture where most parents strive to raise “star” children; we want them to shine. There is nothing more blatant than boasting.  It doesn’t offer any substance or insight. Its subtext is, “Admire me. I am amazing. My kid is smarter than you or anyone else’s.” It diminished my opinion of this individual considerably. Unfortunately, when I started listening to others, I found they were abundant in their boasting. Posts on my social media feeds were filled with people bragging frequently. Boast posts typically begin with phrases like “I am so humbled to…,” “I am so proud to…,” or “my kid got into…” and then go on to describe an accomplishment boastfully.

What exactly is bragging? Sharing positive events and achievements from our lives, per se, is good to do and supports our happiness. When we inform close family and friends, or even acquaintances, about a job promotion, an engagement, or the arrival of a new child, we provide useful positive knowledge about ourselves that increases everyone’s happiness. It is when the sharing is done not to share happiness, but mainly to arouse attention, jealousy, envy, or other negative emotions and doesn’t have any useful, informative purpose for the audience that it becomes dysfunctional. When bragging, the information you share and the people you share it with both matters.

Individuals who tended to brag when they shared their positive events were less agreeable, less conscientious, and showed less empathy, whereas those who tended to brag and mass-share reported the highest levels of narcissism. They are less likely to listen to someone else’s point of view or experiences. What is worse, braggers believe that they are gaining approval or someone’s favor, who are typically lower in status and have ulterior motives in forming or maintaining a relationship with the bragger. In other words, if you want to gather an entourage around you, bragging is an efficient way to achieve this level of attention. Perhaps bragging is needed so that others can feel better about themselves, but what I’ve learned is that it is meant to be and will be.

It doesn’t matter how much you brag. still doesn’t make you a better person. By far, it won’t win you a gold medal in self-promoting. Rather, all that it does show is that without attention, your self-worth is reliant on seeking favor from other people, but it’s also a warning sign of bigger self-efficacy problems. Bragging causes people to behave badly. By advertising their good deeds and accomplishments. It signals a selfish motive for behaving and can negatively impact your relationships.