[image error]Pexels.com" data-medium-file="https://catrussellwriter.wordpress.co..." data-large-file="https://catrussellwriter.wordpress.co..." tabindex="0" role="button" src="https://catrussellwriter.wordpress.co..." alt="" class="wp-image-3106" style="width:413px;height:auto" />Photo by Jason Toevs on Pexels.com“PACKING LIST”

MAKEUP, always first which shows you
my priorities--paired with things like
toothbrush and -paste and undies--
even the Wonder Woman ones bc hygiene
is important, speaking of...
SOAP, bar not liquid bc i’m flying.
SOCKS, i don’t know why it’s the first thing
i think of outside of toiletries.

SHIRTS and PANTS, enough to last the week.

EREADER with CHARGER and a physical BOOK
as backup, bc i cannot stand being without
something to read.
HEADPHONES, bc i’ll need a distraction from
the plane soaring skyward, defying gravity,
a distraction from the mounting pressure,
from my knuckles whitening as I grip
the armrest, trying to look unafraid
of more than simply falling.

INSURANCE CARD for the rental, although
i wish i could insure the entire journey

driving to my mother’s facility,
breathing deep to keep from screaming
as Florida traffic and heat bakes

my brain and i wonder, oh i wonder
why couldn’t she live closer?
why can’t i see her everyday
instead of enduring this ordeal
years apart and parting dollars,
bc let’s face it travel
and the sunshine state ain’t cheap.

CELL PHONE and CHARGER, my lifeline
in the place I grew up but no longer know,
my connection to home and hearth
and directions so I don’t get lost
as stranger in this now even stranger land.

PATIENCE, fresh from my Ohio home,
unpack it in my room, slip it
into my jeans’ pocket wherever i go
so she doesn’t see how goddamn scared
i am, how petrified.

two carcinomas this time--
two? and she just had some removed
months before, and a few before that,
and how much longer can this last?
i hate this trip and love my mother.
is that an oxymoron?

i want her near but here, not there.
i want to hold her hand, share tea
with her, help her with her laundry,
but instead
i get one week. One.

when will this end?
how can i stand it?
i already miss her
again.

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