I might have said too much in my post yesterday, but as I said, my ability to pretend has gone. Whether it’s because of hormones or just getting older, or just being so tired, I don’t know.

For a long time I have presented to the world a version of myself who is happy, successful, and has their shit together. But goodness that couldn’t be further than the truth. A friend asked me how my book sales were going, and I was honest – they’re terrible. I stopped marketing and posting six years ago, so of course my sales have tanked, and if I make £30 a month from the sales of all 23 books, it’s a good month.

She was surprised. She had assumed that my sales must be amazing. I don’t know what gave her that impression, maybe it was because I had just launched book 11 in my series, or was posting positive stuff.

I am a believer that it’s better to focus on the positive, to attract more positive, and I’m not a fan of the ‘poor me, please buy my book’ posts, that seem particularly prevalent on Threads at the moment. But by pretending I’m doing well and selling loads of books, I also cut off any possibility of people helping me by sharing my posts or recommending my books to others. Because honestly, who thinks to help a successful author? Clearly they don’t need it?

But I do need help, and I am terrible at asking for help, or accepting help when it is offered, though I am improving a bit on that front. I might initially resist, but often I can switch tack and accept the help. Because the thing is, I love helping others, and am always quick to offer my time or support, and I would be upset to think that someone is rejecting my help because they don’t believe they deserve it, or will feel weirdly indebted to me. I help others because it brings me joy, not because I expect anything in return, and I would hope anyone offering me help would feel the same way.

Why do we feel the need to ‘make it’ on our own? Or is that a neurodivergent thing? Clearly, any major success is the work of many people, a team with the same goal. For one single person on their own the big dreams or goals just aren’t possible.

My dreams? To sell millions of copies of my books. To have the adapted for TV and cinema. To create audiobooks. To make a living from my own creations.

But I can’t do it on my own. I need a team. I need support. So that’s something I am working on, because my stories deserve to be read, and heard, and seen.

If you have ideas, drop my a line. Or if you just simply want to share your dreams with me, I’d love to hear about them.