“Forgive us for the ways we have wronged you, just as we also forgive those who have wronged us.” (Matthew 6:12)

Yesterday I mentioned an important idea in game theory: the Prisoner’s Dilemma, in which each player has to choose whether to cooperate or betray the other. Several research studies have used the Prisoner’s Dilemma to explore how people actually approach relationships, and what happens over time when people play multiple rounds with other people.

How do you treat someone who has betrayed you? Do you let yourself be a doormat and trust someone who has shown they are untrustworthy?

It turns out there is an optimal strategy for playing the game over multiple rounds. If the other player betrays you in round one, you betray them in round two. But if they don’t betray you in round two, you return to cooperation. This strategy is called “tit for tat, with forgiveness.” Players who use this strategy, on average, will do better than players who try to play aggressively without forgiveness.

(There’s also a lot of fascinating research on our need to punish perceived rule-breaking behavior, even if it costs us personally—but I’ll have to save that writing for another day).  

I find this research fascinating because it shows that forgiveness is not just some high-minded spiritual virtue; it is necessary for species survival. Anthropologists theorize that this kind of pro-social behavior helped our ancestors thrive. Humans that couldn’t let things go just… didn’t survive.

This conclusion runs counter to a lot of our popular opinions about human nature and evolution, that violence and domination led to “survival of the fittest.” Increasingly researchers believe that the communities who were most “fit” to survive were those that cooperated and those where forgiveness became a virtue.

When I talk about forgiveness, of course, I have to acknowledge that forgiveness has been weaponized to keep people in abusive relationships, and it has been unevenly deployed. The oppressed are often expected to forgive their oppressors.

But I would also point out that this tension highlights exactly what the game theory points out: forgiveness alone is a really lousy survival strategy, and it does not maximize the rewards for all players involved. Inasmuch as forgiveness helps us return to an even playing field, and inasmuch as it helps us restore right relationships, it is a virtue.

Becoming conscious allows us not only space to acknowledge and process our anger, but to evaluate the pros and cons of forgiveness. It helps us behave in a way that brings flourishing to larger groups of people.

Prayer: God, you forgave us before we even knew to ask. Help us extend that same grace in ways that bring flourishing to the world.