There are two types of people in this world.

There are people who will just tell you things and there are people who feel like they need to be asked before they tell you things. Often, these two people marry each other. But more often then that, both groups have a hard time understanding the other. I’ve seen lots of misunderstandings come about because of this little quirk. And a misunderstanding is fertile ground for the enemy to come in and sow lies about the other person.

Things like, “They don’t care about me. If they did, they’d do [blank].”

Have you ever felt like that? Like your friends or your family or even your spouse simply doesn’t care about you?

Let’s break down that lie.

For the purpose of clarity, we’re going to name the first group of people “The Talkers” and the second group “The Listeners.” Let’s define those terms.

The Talkers

Talkers, like the name suggests, like to talk. They have a lot of things to share because that’s how they bond and connect with people. If they like you, they’ll talk to you. Simple as that. However, they view the bond of information-sharing as extremely important.

When you don’t share things with them, they can take this to mean you don’t want to bond or connect with them. This is especially true if you’ve told someone else something important and forget to mention it to them.

The Listeners

Listeners generally like to listen. They don’t share things because they’re either waiting for a moment that they can or they want to be asked before they do. They feel cared for when you ask and give them space to share. The ask is the most important part of bonding for them.

When you don’t ask them, they can take this to mean that you don’t care and that you don’t want to bond or connect with them. They tend to hate being interrupted because that shows them you aren’t listening.

Application

Me? I’m mostly a listener myself. I have a hard time just sitting down and telling people things about myself unless it’s been clearly established that they are someone who wants me to share (or if it’s something I deem insignificant. I can talk about non-vulnerable things all day). Sometimes, I feel like I need permission before I can speak about what’s going on inside my head. I need that verbal confirmation that what I’m about to share is important. That I’m important.

My lovely roommate Vella is a Talker. When there’s silence, she’s there to fill it—and I adore that about her. I love to sit at the table in our kitchen as she tells me about her day, her dreams, what God’s been speaking to her, all of it! God created her to be A Talker, and he created me to be a Listener.

But if we’re not careful, we can make assumptions about each other and our intentions.

For example, if Vella never asks me to share, I can get resentful. I can start assuming that, because she didn’t ask, she doesn’t care.

The same thing can happen to Vella. She can start to think that, because I didn’t tell her, I don’t trust her. She can think that maybe I don’t’ want to hear her talking and that I secretly hate her.

See what the enemy did just there? It’s the same lie. “Because they didn’t do [blank], they don’t care about you. They view you poorly. They must hate you.”

The Truth

Talkers and Listeners are people God loves. They both have unique strengths and weaknesses. If we want to do what God says and love each other as he commands, then we need to understand where the other is coming from and have grace.

If you find yourself in The Talker camp, try to be present and ask your friends more questions. Ask them about their day, what God is teaching them, etc.

If you find yourself in The Listener camp, try sharing things without being asked. Take a deep breath and just tell someone about your day, or about what God is teaching you.

Depending on the situation and who you’re around, you can find yourself in either group. Why? Every single person on Earth needs to be able to fulfill both of these roles to love each other properly.

We need to be able to take a moment to listen, to let the other person talk, to be present or them with what they’re going through. But we also need to be able to share. We need to be able to communicate what’s happening “behind the scenes” in our innermost being. We need to be able to connect with each other.

The truth is, just because nobody asked doesn’t mean nobody cares.

The truth is, just because someone didn’t tell you something doesn’t mean they’re purposefully keeping things from you.

So, which group do you generally find yourself in? Comment below!

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The post Nobody Asked (or did they?) appeared first on Alli Prince.