Hello friends! I, as many of you, are trucking on despite persistent horrors ☹️

To be honest it has been pretty difficult feeling energized creatively for me. I haven’t wrapped up my option materials yet, but have been trying to be kind to myself and take it slow. It’s not contracted and I am on no deadlines except what I’ve enforced on myself, so I am doing my best to try to disengage from my own standards of ‘productivity’.

I’ve also struggled with very useless guilt? As in “well, I am relatively privileged. Who am I to struggle with writing in this moment?” Curating a sustainable creative life is reminding myself that none of us need to “earn” rest.

The cover reveal from Twin Tides is coming so soon. I wanted to take this blog post to be honest about the rollercoaster of emotions I’ve been on as I get closer to debut & having my book tangibly be out in the world. Author envy and jealousy is a real thing. In many ways it’s unavoidable, especially in an industry in which writers are made to feel like they are competing for fewer and fewer slots.

But to be frank, I don’t think I really got the jealousy until recently. It’s come to a head a lot when I think about productivity, and comparing myself to very fast writers who have multiple projects already contracted. I can’t help but think “Why can’t I be like them? There must be something wrong with me. I don’t deserve a writing career.”

Clearly, this is all not helpful and negative self-talk. And this will inevitably get worse as the year progresses. I am so happy and so proud of the work I, and many others, put behind Twin Tides. But I just know that something as little as someone else receiving a glowing review could send me into an overthinking spiral—about my writing ability or self-worth as a creative.

All this to say (and as a reminder to myself): it’s normal. It’s not shameful to feel these feelings. It would be shameful if I were, I dunno, do something shady and blow up my debut group with a public scandal to drag everybody down (cough). Feelings are valid, but not always correct, and I am in control of how I let my envy control me.

Anyhoo 😅 perhaps that’s not the most inspiring blog post leading up to cover reveal, but it’s an honest one.

None of us are alone, especially in this moment when the folks in power are banking on us to feel useless and disempowered. We are not. Take care of yourself and take actionable steps in service of your community (however small they feel)! ❤️