What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

Giving up social media for Lent has become a tradition. In a life long ago, I would have given up drinking and meat. But I learned my iron is far too low to continue along that path. Drinking faded away. With three kids and teaching, one would think I would drink more, but facing all these little gremlins with a hangover is not an option. So social media is one of my last vices. That and cursing. 

My Lenten season started before the official date. In February I laid in bed doom scrolling. Videos of thin, fit women surrounded by their children in perfect houses filled one of my algorithms. My others were filled with writers who were getting signed by publishers or talking about finishing their last novel. I couldn’t riot in my bed any longer and deleted all the apps. 

I don’t know why I get a sense of relief whenever I remove the apps from my phone. It’s not like I delete my accounts. I can still login on a web browser and do so on my laptop. But login in on my phone is just too clunky to operate. I went about two weeks before we headed out to STN in Tampa. The apps were only added back in so I could post student photos showing them meeting deadlines and having fun as teens. But as soon as the bus headed out of Tampa, the apps were gone again. 

Since removing social media has become almost easy, I added another challenge. To give up cursing. This vice has been one that I have held onto for a long time. Growing up cursing was something my dad did. Sentence enhancers, he called them. My mom only used them when she was beyond angry with us. I don’t know what was so enticing about it, but cursing made me feel different. 

I was able to express my feelings when my words would fail me. Sometimes when I was in pain, a certain four letter F word was the only thing that could capture what I was going through. But at some point I started using them in everyday conversation. When I was younger, leaving the words out was easier, but as I got older, it became more of a conscious decision to not use the curse words. 

I read somewhere once that an honest man cusses because he’s not thinking about what he says, he’s just speaking from the heart. For me, it’s the truth. If I have to censor myself, then I’m not only thinking about what four-letter words not to say, I am also altering whatever it is I am about to say. I might soften my tone or even the entire thought altogether. But when the words fly from my mouth, sometimes vicious, it’s the truth. 

And for a long time I didn’t care what my words did to people. Because I unleashed my venom only when deserved. If I unleashed my verbal tirade on you, it’s because you probably wronged me. But now, as a mother, I don’t have that luxury. I have to be careful with what I say because I can damage the Little mind that is listening to what I’m saying. 

When Adelyn was small, she would correct me. Telling me “Mommy those are bad words.” It would catch me off guard because at that point in my life I became so numb to those sentence enhancers I didn’t even realize I was using them. She would ask me what certain words meant and why people used them in song. Mind you, she was about 3 or 4, far too smart for her age. 

I should have stopped then, but I didn’t curb my tongue. It wasn’t until Bb started talking did I contemplate making a change. Bennett is the definition of a parrot baby. If he idolizes you, he not only does he repeat what you say, but he also mimics the tone. He heard me say the F word so many times when I would drop something or stub my toe that if he did the same he would curse. 

Do you know how hard it is not to laugh when a 2-year-old drops his binky and goes “Oh fuck!” 

It is extremely difficult. 

And I am finding the difficulty is not just in not laughing. I haven’t gone a full day without swearing. My use of the words has gotten better. I have decreased the amount by a thousand percent. However, there are days when my temper has gotten the best of me and the words fly. I am holding myself to my goal and I would like to say by the end of Lent, I will be able to abstain from swearing. 

I never put much thought into how the words I use influenced my mental state. I thought not feeding the social media monster was enough. But since the Lenten Season has begun, I have felt lighter. It could be because I’m no longer in the rat race trying to keep up with what everyone is doing. Or it could be because I am not allowing toxic words to influence my emotions. 

There seems to be a theme here, the detox of negativity. 

I should keep it up after Easter.