The Incitement of Rage – A Shame Response

Elon Musk: The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy.

This quote going around on social media now. It’s getting a lot of traction because it generates rage. That’s why it caught my attention. What kind of sociopath would say this? One blogger weighed in on this article noting

“In my work with the defendants [at Nuremberg], I was searching for the nature of evil and I now think I have come close to defining it. A lack of empathy. It’s the one characteristic that connects all the defendants, a genuine incapacity to feel with their fellow men.” — Captain Gustave Gilbert, the US army psychologist assigned to observe the Nazi defendants at the Nuremberg trials.

Many Musk haters, such as myself, will quickly glom on here drawn like moths to a rage flame. I’ve quoted this article often which states empathy is the attribute that makes us truly human. I use that idea in my own testimony of my personal struggle and desire to be empathetic.

So, when I read the Musk quote, my rage boiled against a man I am pre-disposed to dislike. I assume the worst because I am biased that way.

The Great Pause is the Shame Killer

Something caused me to pause. In that pause I wondered if Musk really said those words. This is what must happen if we want to defeat the effects of shame in our lives. We must pause and ask ourselves “why” we are feeling what we are feeling. Then we must attempt to hear what another person is actually saying.

The goal of shame is to separate us from each other. Anger is a great way to make it happen. Fear and jealousy have the same effect. Asking “why” questions call shame out of the shadows where we can deal with it. Sometimes when we pause, we find out we were wrong. That’s called education. Shame would prefer we avoid being educated.

I Was Wrong – A Shame Killing Admission

It turns out the Musk quote is quite misleading at best.

In total context, Musk said this:

“I believe in empathy, like, I think you should care about other people,” Musk said as part of the same discussion on Joe Rogan’s podcast, “but you need to have empathy for, for civilization as a whole, and not commit to a civilizational suicide.”

“The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy . The empathy exploit. They’re exploiting a bug in Western civilization, which is the empathy response. So, I think, you know, empathy is good, but you need to think it through and not just be programmed like a robot”. 

The Musk / Empathy Breakdown

I break the entire thing down like this:

I believe in empathy, like, I think you should care about other people. This part was left out by most social media posts. It would have softened my anger. It would have made me want to hear him out. That’s why it wasn’t included. As I will discuss later, posts are designed to generate revenue and rage generates revenue.

The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy. This is what is often quoted to incite rage among us woke liberals. It worked. I fell for it as did others. Shame was pleased.

The empathy exploit. Musk immediately corrects himself. Shame loves it when we catch people in their mistakes. Shame loves it so much we refuse to let them repent. We also won’t allow them to apologize even if they are willing.

The Empathy Exploit

They are exploiting a bug in Western civilization, which is the empathy response. Let’s take a closer look at this idea.

Empathy can easily be exploited by others. No question.

I had a tenant – a single mom with two kids. I had to kick out of the apartment she was renting from me because she refused to pay her rent and refused to talk to me about it. The empath might be exploited. I probably was exploited. Tough decisions will need to be made. We probably shouldn’t be robots.

I sincerely wonder what Jesus would have done though. He seemed routinely exploited for his empathy personally. He also seems to be suggesting we follow his path (Matthew 5:38-47). These principles he lays out are probably quite “woke”. Since most Republicans are followers of Jesus, their behavior here seems quite contrarian to their belief system.

Empathy is Good, but Misuse is Bad

Still, we all know that when empathy is exploited, bad things can happen. This clearly is true. You could probably find that slogan on a YWCA wall suggesting battered wives leave their husbands.

Would you advise an abused woman to stay with her alcoholic husband because of her empathy toward him? No. Narcissists routinely exploit what Musk calls the “empathy bug” in people in order to exploit them as well. The elderly are scammed routinely because of their empathy for a cause. It happens. It’s a real thing. We should guard against it. Musk is right.

However, here Musk is also attempting to show us who is to blame. It is “them”. It is the one exploiting our empathy. We have a good trait (empathy) being exploited by “them” (some bogeyman). Who are “they”? He doesn’t seem to say. He just suggests we must stop “them”.

Empathy is good. Yes Musk said that. Does he believe it? I don’t know. In what context? I don’t know. He says “you should care about people”. Does he believe it? I don’t know.

Anger and Division Sell

Regardless, we avoid pushing the “empathy is good” comment out into our socials. It doesn’t help our cause to generate anger and division. Anger and division sell. You need to think it through, not be a robot – anyone disagree with that? What if the rage engendering posts had highlighted this: empathy is good, we should care about people, but you need to think it through…?

All bloggers have a need for followers and content. Bloggers have a need for a “tribe” and a tribe often requires someone to be against. Henry Rollins is often quoted as saying that nothing brings a group together better than a mutual hatred. We need to keep readers amped up instead of offering solutions and perspective. We need things that sell. Hate and division sell.

Choices and language by the current administration appear to demonstrate a remarkable lack of empathy when empathy is as defined “caring about people”. Even a preacher’s plea for mercy on the immigrant and LGBTQ community while in church was chastised. The examples are nearly endless.

Empathy is in the Eye of the Beholder

Empathy and care can also be viewed differently by different recipients. I don’t give money to some people because I care about them. Do they view it that as empathy? When I withhold money do they think I care about them? I don’t know. I doubt it.

From what I can see, Musk doesn’t operate in a way that suggests he cares about people. But I don’t know that. I’m not sure how someone can accrue that much wealth and be so resistant to sharing. However, that may well be shame helping me make Musk the bogeyman so I can avoid looking at myself. The things he is doing are certainly harsh things. Are they non-empathetic things? It may depend on who you are.

Many of the administration’s choices and Musk’s choices may be seen as empathy and mercy to toward boarder states struggling with the immigration crisis or biological women losing athletic competitions to transgender women. It may be seen as empathy to those who want to keep more of the money they earn while sending less to the government. Those people may finally feel heard.

Empathy Wins Elections: Narcissists Know This

Empathy is in the eye of the beholder. Narcissism is not. Narcissists are empathy exploiters themselves. They will exploit the need for empathy for love, money, praise… or votes.

It was empathy that won Trump the election. It’s always empathy that wins elections. Trump convinced certain people he cared about them. That’s a politician’s job. Most importantly, he convinced people who vote that he cared about them.

His emphasis that the forgotten will be forgotten no more was and is a work of empathic genius. Perhaps it was manipulative to get votes. That’s what a narcissist does. Having lost their jobs, some Trump supporters  believe they have been duped so the tides can turn.

Many, perhaps most, original Trump supporters still believe he cares about them. They believe that purging waste in the government and lowering taxes is a sign of empathy toward them. It may well be – to them. But a Narcissist never cares about them personally. Never be deluded about that. The goal of the Narcissist is to be adored and to win.

Governmental Empathy

I suspect the Musk quote coming from his visit with Joe Rogan had nothing to do with individual people. This is probably why Musk clarified that in his own remarks. The topic probably had to do with a government’s role in being empathetic – and the risks involved.

A government must decide with whom to show empathy (if that means give money), and to what extent (how much to give). After all, there’s only so much money. This reading would all play into Musk’s role of cutting spending.

There’s no question we are cutting off vast programs meant to serve the under privileged. This includes food supply to countless in poverty. We are defunding USAID as well as local food pantries for instance. The examples are endless and could show a lack of empathy toward those groups. However, it could also show empathy upon those who don’t want to be taxed any further to support those things. It may be a show of empathy toward those who feel the poor are taking advantage of their empathy.

The Cost of Empathy

The main problem Musk is actually trying to address is we can’t pay for these programs. That is an unavoidable reality regardless of which side of the aisle you reside.

We (as a country) are borrowing money to pay for these empathic choices. Do we all realize that? Would you advise your friend to borrow money to give it to charity? No. Would a charity advise such a thing? No. A charity might advise us to stop being self-indulgent so you can give more. That’s always an option! So where should the government cut? Wherever it is, someone will lose their funding or their job. There will be no empathy for that person.

Perhaps we should be discussing our budget priorities or our taxation process. That’s fair. But, if we tax further, we don’t show empathy to the taxpayer. Some taxpayers may be in favor of increased taxes. That’s the opinion of Warren Buffet, but he has plenty of money!

Many taxpayers may well believe they are just getting by as it is. Many taxpayers don’t want to be charitable to the less fortunate. Regardless, we have to stop borrowing to be charitable or to employ people. I can’t believe that’s really open for debate.

Shame is the Root of All Evil – Empathy Kills Shame

I agree with this blogger that evil requires the absence of empathy. This reflects a simple reality of not caring for the suffering of another. Captain Gustave Gilbert called it “the ability to feel with your fellow man”. Is it possible to be empathetic and not give? If we are no longer able to send money to Africa, it doesn’t mean we don’t care does it? Or does it?

Musk calls this “caring about people” in his Rogan interview – to which Musk seems to be a supporter. However, Musk was probably describing empathy as measured by giving away resources. To do that, we will have to think in order to be functionally empathetic. We can’t be robotic in our approach as Musk describes. We only have so much “stuff” we can give away even in our empathy. Musk describes this as empathic suicide. Others describe it as negative empathy. Musk is right. That’s hard for a Jesus lovin’ woke bloke to admit.

Empathy vs Greed

We want things we can’t pay for. This is not an empathy problem, this is a greed problem. However, I’ll bet we have a greed problem because we lack empathy. These two forces are constantly battling against each other in our souls. My forthcoming book describes this as the will to self-preservation vs the will to self-sacrifice.

Contrary to Musk’s point, I suggest we don’t actually care about people. Musk may believe we should and may even believe he personally does. Actions matter more than words. Some of us want to be empathetic and generous because it helps us feel good about ourselves. Somehow we know it’s “right”. Some of us have no interest in being empathetic because we may believe it’s “their own fault” they are in whatever predicament they are in.

Either way, materially responding to the suffering of others can be expensive. We will have to give up what we’ve earned for the benefit of others. This is true in our households as much as it’s true in our country.

I personally want to be more generous, but the road to generosity is hard. It means sacrificial giving on my part. It means I have to do with less to alleviate the suffering of others. Am I willing to do give like that? Not so far.

Governmental Empathy Requires Taxation

We often want other people to pay for empathy programs through taxation. That would help us feel good about ourselves as a nation. We want the appearance of being empathetic without actually doing it ourselves.

For a country to give more, it will have to tax more. That doesn’t sound good to most of us either. We often say – don’t tax me, tax the rich. In general, I agree! So does Warren Buffet. In doing so we simply risk satiating our need to find someone else to blame. We can now blame the rich. Or the tax system. But who is “rich”? By standards of the world, I certainly am. Most likely, if you’re reading this, so are you.

I personally could give more than I do. Instead, I blame people who have more than me. That’s a shame maneuver. Blame is always a shame maneuver.

Through taxation we claim that we would all be collectively doing our part. We claim that it’s a governments job to care for people. We insist the government “do something” to take care of us in our age and illness and poverty. That, also, is arguable. That insists a government actually care. A government can’t care. A government has no emotion to exchange. Only individual people can care.

Is this a Musk Defense?

Am I defending Musk? No. I’m as woke a joke as a redneck preacher can be. That said, I realize our individual rage may require some to hear me defending him. I get it. I do the same thing with others. We all do. If one is angry at the thought of me defending Musk, it may prevent us from continuing to talk. That is as shame would like it.

I am not defending Musk. I have no idea if Musk actually believes what he says. What I’m defending is sanity. We are now so driven by division that we’ve gone insane for it. We see whatever we need to see to fuel our hatred for our perceived enemies.

Shame encourages us to hear things that aren’t said if they can facilitate rage and division. Shame’s number one goal is division. It always has been. Shame prefers we not see points of similarity that would allow us to communicate. Communication requires empathy – a desire to hear what another person is actually saying. Jesus even said we are to love our enemies. Why? It defeats shame. Is it possible? I have little hope it is.

I Am no Better

When people originally said “black lives matter”, I heard them saying that I personally didn’t matter because I’m white. Of course, that’s not what they were saying, but it’s what I heard. It’s what many of us heard. It’s why we came up with our retort: all lives matter! I misheard them even though I’m the parent of black children.

Then I saw this child, who could be one of my own kids, with this sign. When I saw this child, I was biased toward her because of my kids. My bias allowed me to hear here and what she was actually saying. When I did, I realized shame had ahold of me again – driving division where none needed to exist.

The Role of Bias and Prejudice

I am biased against Musk so I pre-judge him. I am prejudiced against him. Prejudgment doesn’t have to be about race. When I see a social media post taking something he said out of context, I’m drawn to it to aid my ability to secure that my pre-judgement is accurate. In doing so, I stop listening and I stop thinking. My bias against him is making my decisions for me. That’s never helpful.

Shame requires us to pick someone we hate and hate them with all our might. We need to find someone to be against so we find them. Shame doesn’t care who we find, only that we find someone. It’s all the better if we find people who agree with us in our hate. We take what they say out of context because it aids in our pre-determined (biased) view of them.

Humans are all prejudicial beings. We pre judge for our own safety and well-being. Prejudging or being biased is a basic survival instinct. We do it attempt to immediately assess if someone is friend of foe. However, allowing our pre judgements (prejudices) to guide decision making is flawed because it’s driven by fear. Fear is the vehicle shame drives to work.

How Do we Fix All This?Realize it’s happening. Shame prefers to be the hidden driver behind our destructive decisions. It prefers to be hidden so we don’t know it’s happening so that we are not inclined to act against it.We pause when we feel angry and ask ourselves why we feel angry. When I saw the social media post documenting Musk saying “The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy”, I was enraged at his stupidity. Oddly though, I did something shame preferred I not do – I paused. I wondered, did Musk really say that? The same could be said for how I approached Black Lives Matter.Stop finding a “them” to hate. Shame insists the problem is some “them” – whether a race, a person, or an income bracket. If we want to do battle with shame, we must stop looking at them and look at ourselves. To defeat shame, we must stop arguing about what a good person is, and go be one.

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