(Originally published on December 3, 2007).

I just recently returned from visiting my mother in her assisted living facility, which is filled with many patients who suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease, and other forms of dementia. As always on my visits to her, I am touched by the beautiful souls of people who are residing there. What follows is my recent encounter with a woman I will call Betty.

Betty spends most of her time working on jigsaw puzzles. In the course of a day and into the evenings, one can usually find her sitting in the main living room lounge, quietly working at a small table on a jigsaw puzzle. When she is not solving a puzzle, she is usually asking staff and anyone else who crosses her path or with whom she can make eye contact, for something to eat or drink. Many a time, she has just returned from eating in the dining room when she asks for something. I imagine different reasons why she does this, including the obvious that she has forgotten that she just ate. Perhaps she was always a “snacker” like many of us, and is continuing in her old habits to pass the time; or perhaps she associates jigsaw puzzles with food and drink as this was her life in her home before. Whatever the reason, she is known as the woman who asks for food and drink over and over again in the course of her waking hours. She has often asked me and I try to direct her to a staff member, who can decide whether she can have something or not. 

As I was rolling my suitcase towards the door in preparation for my departure to the airport, Betty approached me, with her usual, sweet demeanor, and stood face-to-face with me, with this look of anticipation like a young child expresses when asking for something really special. I’m thinking to myself that she surely is going to ask me for something to eat or drink and wondering what I will say to her this time as I cannot fulfill her request. But yesterday, much to my surprise, she asked me for something I could give her. This time she asked, “Can I get a hug and a kiss?” 

I was at first reluctant since I have had a sore throat all week, but she was already standing so close to me, I figured that as long as I turned my cheek so that she could kiss me, she would be spared from any germs I might be carrying. So I hugged her and turned my cheek. Her arms didn’t exactly reciprocate, but I squeezed her with my embrace pouring as much love as I could to this gentle, sweet woman. She landed a very big kiss on my left cheek. 

I smiled at her, feeling happy that I could give her what she wanted, and feeling good because she gave me a kiss, when she asked me, “Could I have another one?”

I smiled and chuckled and said “Sure,” while we repeated the same gesture of embracing and expressing love for each other. Then she went back to her table and sat down, working on her puzzle again.

I was so touched by her need: this need for a warming embrace, a tender kiss, the feeling of skin-to-skin. I wondered if she had been feeling lonely. That thought made me sad for a slight moment, but then I saw how happy she was so I focused on that.

The importance of touch cannot be overstated. We have probably all heard or read about the importance of touching for healthy, human development, particularly with premature babies who cannot go home to their parents right away. You may have also heard about stories of children in orphanages in other countries where they don’t pick them up often and how underdeveloped they are physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes we let animals do the work as they are often used for the healing of the sick or lonely (especially in the elderly). Often times, pets will demonstrate their affection for humans when there is no human around or willing to do so. 

Touch is so important for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. Betty touched my soul yesterday. She touched me in ways that I fear I cannot accurately express here. 

I know it may sound cliche, but when was the last time you reached out and touched someone you care about? If you’re thinking of the commercial, I invite you to think beyond that as I am not talking about reaching them by telephone but about touching them in the physical sense. Maybe it’s a simple high five, a pat on the back, a tender touch on their arm to say “it’s OK,” a hug, a kiss, or if you’re really blessed with the love of your life, a tender cuddle together. The magic of that special touch from a loved one can do miracles for someone’s soul, including yours. Touch can be particularly powerful when the words cannot express, especially when we are making up with our partner. I’m talking about the skin-to-skin variety; the kind that makes you feel good, warm and loved; the kind that opens your heart to giving and receiving love, instead of thinking and analyzing things in your head about who did you wrong, whose fault it is, and how you will never forget their past mistakes. Focus on how important they are to you and give them a hug and a kiss instead. No words will be necessary. Forget those thoughts of hurt and don’t delay: a hug and a kiss will do.