Connie Lim, who performs as MILCK, co-wrote “Quiet” ten years ago. It was a very personal song in response to sexual assault and abuse she experienced in her teens. She sang it, along with a cappella singers, at the Women’s March in 2017. Their performance, captured on a phone, still brings tears to my eyes.

I was there at the march (late, because our bus broke down) along with a half million other marchers. There were military vehicles parked on street corners to deal with what the new administration assumed would be violence but, of course, it was an entirely peaceful rally. Many homeowners had welcome signs on their lawns, some put out offerings of water bottles and snacks. Everywhere we went our fellow marchers as well as DC businesses were gracious and helpful. After the march was over it took hours for thousands of buses to load up and head out from the parking lots, returning marchers to all parts of the country. On that dark January night they looked like ribbons of light pulling out onto the roads. 

Recently, Ms. Lim was asked by a woman if she, as a Republican, could also sing “Quiet.” On her Instagram page, Ms. Lim wrote,

“As a musician, a woman, and survivor of domestic violence, I felt grief to know that politics would create division to the point that someone would wonder if a song of survival could be for her, too. What if we can looked beyond… and wonder about what we have in common? I want to offer bridges through art. To create innovative coalitions that rise above the illusions of categories. We are entering a time where we must resist binary thinking. To seek the river beneath the river.”

We are not as polarized as we’re said to be here in America. Hear me out! I know there are vast differences in the spectrum from left to right. But in poll after poll, it’s clear we want stronger practices in place to keep our our water clean, our food safety assured, our roads and bridges maintained. We want decent workplaces and the best possible lives for our children.

Whatever our partisan affiliation, most humans want the same things. An affordable home, access to good food, meaningful work, quality healthcare, and enough time outside of work to do what brings us joy. We also want the rights assured by law including due process, equal protection under the law, the right to worship as we choose, to protest, and to vote in fair elections. Nearly all of us want our tax dollars do some good for actual people rather than giving it to big corporations and billionaires.

A recent Pew report showed 86% of Americans believe small businesses have a positive effect on this country. Only 29% believe the same about large corporations. A Navigator study found 7 out of 10 Americans say big corporations and the ultra rich are more responsible for the amount of taxes they pay than poor Americans who don’t pay taxes. And Americans are not doing well, financially. Overall, 76 percent of people in households making less than 100K describe themselves as struggling to make ends meet or unable to make ends meet.

New research shows striking bipartisan consensus on the challenges facing the next generation and the solutions to address them. When asked if the federal government should prioritize policies that benefit young people 88% of Republicans, 83% of Democrats, and 75% of independents agreed. Across parties, three-quarters or more of parents say a paid family, parental, and medical leave program for workers who need to provide short-term care for family members would make the lives of American children better, as well as more tax credits for programs that support families, and more government funding to help parents afford child care and after-school programs.

A recent Gallup poll showed 48 percent of Americans see climate change as a serious threat and 37 percent say they have been personally affected by an extreme weather event in their area within the past two years. The majority of people polled in 2024 agree climate change is human-driven. Three-quarters of Americans, regardless of where they live, say they experienced unusually hot or cold days this year. About half experienced extreme storms, 43 percent experienced flooding, 35 percent experienced droughts and water shortages, and a quarter experienced a wildfire. To avoid these extreme climate events, 1 in 5 Americans say they would consider moving. Six out of 10 Americans say they would support wind turbines and solar farms being built in their communities — that number includes over half of Republicans.

A sweeping majority of Americans, including Republicans, oppose cuts to Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid. Sixty-two percent of U.S. adults, the highest percentage in more than a decade, say it is the federal government’s responsibility to ensure all Americans have healthcare coverage.

Let’s just take the well-being of children as an example. However people voted, it’s hard for me to imagine most of us really want the FDA to suspend quality control testing of milk, while also suspending programs ensuring accurate testing for bird flu and pathogens in dairy products. I don’t think we want to halt research on environmental hazards faced by children, including exposure to wildfire smoke, effects of pesticide exposure, and preventing forever chemicals like PFAS  from contaminating the food supply. I don’t believe most of us want funding indefinitely withdrawn that covers: investigations of child sexual abuse and internet crimes against children; response to reports of missing children; and preventing youth violence. I don’t think we want the farm-to-school grants cancelled—the ones buying fresh food from small local farmers for healthier school lunches. And there’s talk of eliminating Head Start programs altogether. These are just a few examples—from this week!— of the vicious cuts that stand in counterpoint to the lavish benefits afforded to the super rich as well as the largest corporations.

(I am still unable to imagine why anyone wants our tax dollars—somewhere in the region of 25 billion so far—to finance the ongoing genocide of the Palestinian people. Currently the number of unique and precious lives lost is 50,810 Palestinian and 1,706 Israeli human beings. Maybe my imagination is faulty.)

We are told, lectured, screamed at that the “other side” is out to get us. A majority of Americans polled say that legislators, pundits, and TV news personalities increase division in the country. At the same time, one in three Americans get most of their political information from friends both in real life and on social media. When our social circles are a monoculture of opinion we don’t learn from the stories and life experiences of people whose beliefs and opinions differ from ours. This not only diminishes mutual understanding, it fosters increasingly extreme viewpoints.

For many decades, Americans got their news from mostly local newspapers along with national news broadcasts hosted by folks like Walter Cronkite. It gave each community a closer look at what was happening around them— house fires, crimes, high school sports, city council votes— as well as a common national narrative that made some space for different opinions. Now people have different opinions based on different “facts.” Deliberately false stories and memes spread with a force too fast for fact checkers. And many refuse to believe fact checkers when lies are exposed. Despite jibes against “left-learning” and “mainstream media,” when the audience size of popular online shows — podcasts, streams, and other long-form content–is assessed for right-leaning or left-leaning ideological bent, it turns out conservative shows dominate the ecosystem. That holds true even when the content is not explicitly political but oriented to comedy, sports, gaming, or entertainment. Historian Anne Applebaum writes in her book, Twilight of Democracy,

“The issue is not merely one of false stories, incorrect facts, or even the election campaigns and spin doctors: the social media algorithms themselves encourage false perceptions of the world. People click on the news they want to hear; Facebook, YouTube, and Google then show them more of whatever it is that they already favor, whether it is a certain brand of soap or a particular form of politics. The algorithms radicalize those who use them too…

Because they have been designed to keep you online, the algorithms also favor emotions, especially anger and fear. And because the sites are addictive, they affect people in ways they don’t expect. Anger becomes a habit. Divisiveness becomes normal. [Online content] already helps shape how politicians and journalists interpret the world and portray it. Polarization has moved from the online world into reality.”

Our nervous systems can easily become accustomed to daily, hourly, even minute-by-minute doses of anger. As an emotion, anger feels energizing. It stomps the brakes on moral and rational perspectives because it originates from the more primordial parts of our brain. It may provide a rush, similar to thrill-seeking activities that trigger dopamine releases— the way gambling might do for someone addicted to betting on poker. Anger can actually serve as a comfort zone, connecting us with other like-minded people and distracting us from uncertainty, emptiness, or fear.

My wise and entirely charming friend Michael said, at our recent book group meeting, “Hate is the new energy drink.” Except it’s not new. Those with wealth and power have long fostered hatred to achieve their own aims. People screaming about immigration or immunizations or who is using what bathroom are distracted while the elite grab more and more for themselves. More of your rights, your security, your future.

This needs to stop. Instead we need to talk to each other, person to person. We need to truly listen and hear the stories behind the anger.

Open dialogue with the very people she condemned is what inspired Megan Phelps-Roper to renounce her membership in the extremist Westboro Baptist Church. It’s what led neo-Nazi skinhead Christian Picciolini to stop spreading hate and work to lead others away from such ideologies. It’s how Daryl Davis, as an African American, befriends Ku Klux Klan members in hopes they will have a change of heart.

As Brandon Stanton writes in Humans,

“Our struggles connect us. We relate to the challenges of other people much more than we relate to their victories. We empathize with pain much more than joy. The moment we truly see ourselves in another person is when we realize that we’ve felt the exact same pain…. Maybe pain is the most universal feeling. Maybe there’s an invisible, connective thread that runs between the loneliness of an old man and the hunger of an impoverished child. Maybe pain isn’t divisible… Recognizing pain in another person is the primary driver of empathy. It’s the beginning of compassion.”