There’s no denying, it’s difficult to make time to write a novel. We only have a specific amount of “free time” and we have to choose how to spend it. I used to spend all my free time writing and working on projects, but now I struggle to set aside even a few hours for this.

When I wrote The Quiescence Trilogy, I wasn’t reading anywhere near as much as I’m reading now. At the time, I told myself, “I’m a writer, not a reader.” A hilariously arrogant thing to say, in retrospect.

Of course I am a reader!

Writers have to be readers. We need to read other stories to learn what works and what doesn’t, what innovative things people are trying, and what stories people are interested in. This is all important industry research. (Not to mention, we have to support other authors if we expect people to support us!)

One of the main reasons I love to write is because I love getting lost in a story. I love getting to know new characters and caring about them as if they were real people. I love the magic of stepping into a new world, where the rules are different, maybe there’s a little magic to go along with the mayhem.

Lately, I’ve been struggling to disappear into one of my own projects, though. And I wonder if it’s because I’m too happily getting lost in other people’s stories instead.

I have read some truly exceptional stories lately (and a few stinkers but let’s not worry about those). I like to think that these amazing stories are inspiring me and pushing me to become a better writer, but what if they’re doing something else too?

What if they’re intimidating me, or making me feel like nothing I do could ever compare. Or what if they are simply satisfying my hunger for a good story so I no longer feel compelled to write my own?

There’s also the fact that more reading simply takes up more time. Is it actually feasible to read multiple books a month while also making time to write a book? Once you factor in a full time job, commuting, family responsibilities, trying to exercise and take care of yourself… etc.

The “free time” gets whittled away awfully quickly.

So how can I balance this moving forward? Should I limit the number of books I’m allowed to read? Give myself a quota of pages written before pages read? I’m not sure there’s an easy formula for it.

So, I thought I should reflect on my motivations for reading and writing to see if I can find a path towards better balance.

So, why do I read?

I read for three reasons:

To relax and enjoy downtime; To get inspired and learn new ways to write; and To disconnect from the real world, and connect to something else. 

Maybe it’s weird to admit this, but part of why I love to read is because it’s easier and safer to connect with and care about fictional characters—fictional problems—than real ones. Fictional characters will never actually hurt me, and fictional problems aren’t really my problem.

But what about the times when I don’t like how a plot was resolved (remember the stinkers I mentioned?), or I don’t like the decisions a character made? I start feeling dissatisfied with the stories I’m reading.

This is interesting…

Yes, it’s nice to give up control and let the fictional characters (aka other authors) make all the decisions. But what if part of why I write is because I want to have some semblance of control in an otherwise uncontrollable world. Maybe these micro universes are outlets for me to feel some agency…

Why do I write?

There’s a lot of overlap in motivations for reading and writing, but when I parse out the differences I realize two key motivators for writing:

1. I want to control the story. At the risk of sounding like a megalomaniac, I want to make all the decisions! I want to create a story I find satisfying and create the kinds of people I like.

I swear I’m not a power-hungry super villain. I just like that writing is a space where anything is possible for me. Nothing needs to hold me back.

2. I enjoy the act of writing, the language and the storytelling. Heck, I even enjoy the editing. And if I enjoy it this much, maybe I should stop thinking about it as work, and give myself permission to do this as my downtime. More like a hobby… but one I take very seriously.

Maybe part of the solution will be learning to view writing as more of a hobby again, instead of work. In my efforts to achieve work-life balance, I may have strayed too far away from the activities that fill my cup the most. If the work is something I love, then why not prioritize it? Why do I view reading as rest time, but writing as work?

If reading is getting swept away, then writing is like sweeping myself away. It’s the difference between taking a pre-packaged vacation or planning my own. Sure, the latter takes more work, but ultimately it will probably be more satisfying.