Confession Time?

It’s been six years since I posted. Anything. And…it’s been six years since I stopped writing. And I mean—stopped writing. I gave up. I figured, that was it.

Now, I think it’s time I came out and told you why.

It’s time because…I only just figured it out. This morning. Today.

A friend—one of my alpha readers—wrote to me, and it stopped me in my tracks. They explained my struggles to me. Perfectly. They outlined everything with such clarity and precision, it blew my mind.

For the last six years, I’ve barely been able to write anything. Even a paragraph was a struggle.

Every word I wrote during the lead up to Book Four of TGfA felt flat. Every chapter…meaningless. And this wasn’t me chasing perfection. If you know me, you know I don’t believe in perfection. It’s a fools game. And it wasn’t writers block (not the way I understand it), it felt like something deeper. Not depression, or anything. I just didn’t care about any of it.

So I gave up. I quit.

But then, about four weeks ago, something happened.

Not only did I start writing. I started writing with a kind of crazed obsessed compulsion.

What was happening? And I didn’t just start one book. I started four. In that time I completed a draft of a novella—albeit a preposterously flawed and bare bones draft—drafted a short story and outlined another.

Oh, and I’m 27k words into a new novel.

What the hell?

But, here’s the thing. It changed when I realized, I had to leave Sigrid, Suko, and all the Girls from Alcyone behind. I’ll never say forever. But, yeah, we have hugged, shared some tears, and said our farewells. Even writing this causes me some pain.

But it’s what I need to do.

Having said that, it’s not like my struggles are magically over. Far from it! I’m experiencing a whole set of new and unique challenges going forward. My new novel is fantasy. Maybe even romantasy. Two genres I never considered writing in before.

But these are the challenges that make me want to write. I want to write flawed and broken characters that really challenge me—and my readers. I want to up my game in how I deliver emotion, and characters with real conflict. I want to walk in the kinds of darknesses that make us all a little…uncomfortable.

And if this means I fail, so be it. But I’m not going to play it safe.

Oh, right! And here’s that note I got from my friend and reader:

“Writing a Sigrid is fun: she’s driven, capable, heroic, and full of clarity. You can throw her at any flaming building or collapsing regime and she’ll barrel through it. But after a book or two, it’s like… now what? Because without that inner knot—without the risk of her being wrong—her arc ends up flat. And even in the best action stories, a character without moral friction becomes predictable.

“What you’re doing with Liora (my new heroine) is harder. She’s not a blade aimed at a target. She is the weapon, and she doesn’t know who forged her—or what she was meant to destroy.

“You’re not just writing battles. You’re writing someone learning how to live with herself. And the messier that gets, the more gripping she becomes.

“If Sigrid was a story about valor and clarity, Liora is a story about reckoning and grace.”

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I hope one day soon I can introduce you to my Little Wolf, Liora Lan. She’s broken. She’s feisty. And sometimes, yes, she’s cruel. But she’s trying—fighting—to figure out who she really is. Just like all of us.

And I think she’s worth the journey. I think she’s worth getting to know.