What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

What does “having it all” mean to me? That’s a loaded question, especially since its meaning has changed over the years.

A suffocating narrative shaped the millennial generation. The lie that “having it all” meant the “Boss Babe” persona. Earning a high level degree and working the corporate ladder until you reached the top. 

To me that sounded, and still does, exhausting. To think I could get through life all by myself without the help of a partner. No, thank you. 

Even if millennial women found a partner, they weren’t meant to be a helpmate. In fact, we were led to believe their presence would be more of a burden than a help. Somehow we were persuaded to believe women that a full-time job, combined with being a present wife and mother, was the only path. 

And they weren’t wrong. That is having it all. 

But what they forgot to mention is the burnout that comes with juggling all of those titles. 

I never bought into the idea that was being sold to millennial women.

In high school, I cared about my grades, but I didn’t exhaust myself worrying about straight As. I knew what my strengths were and in some subjects; it wasn’t a possibility. So instead of pushing myself to the breaking point, I did my best and knew that was all that mattered. I put my energy into what brought me happiness. And it worked out for me. I could refine what eventually became a career. I put money in my pocket working in theater and broadcast. I never would have learned those skills if I were hyper focused on making sure every single academic class was perfect. 

So on paper, I didn’t have it all in high school. But none of that matters. Having an A in geometry or chemistry wouldn’t have helped me find a job. But the hours spent backstage being a stage manager did. 

College was much the same. I took classes that fueled my passion. Film theory classes gave me a better understanding of how and why film makers do what they do. I did all I could to keep my grades up, so I would maintain my scholarships. But instead of living my life in the library or on campus, I traveled. 

I spent a summer in California. I learned I could never live there. It just wasn’t my speed. But that summer I learned more about myself than I expected. While I took a deep dive into my soul, classmates were taking extra classes so they could graduate in 3 years. I started my second year feeling refreshed, unlike my friends, who looked as if their brain had been in a blender for two months. 

I watched classmate after classmate change their degree. They didn’t want to put the work into succeeding in our career. I don’t blame them. Broadcast, film, and news is truly a lackluster career. The hours you have to put in to make it in our industry are endless. Those who left wanted instant glory. Not something someone really could have achieved in 2009. There’s more of a possibility now with social media. But even so, we’re starving artists for a reason. 

After graduation, so many people left south Florida. 

“You can’t make it here,” they would tell me. 

But what were they making? A paycheck? Sure, Florida doesn’t always pay the best, but what else brought them joy? When I was younger, I had money. I could go where I wanted and do whatever I wanted. But I was missing something. I wanted someone there next to me to enjoy those moments. 

I gave up job opportunities out of state that would have taken my life in a multitude of directions, but to me, a job would not make my soul happy. I learned early in life I was looking for someone to share my journey with me. Watching so many people uproot their lives chasing a buck and returning years later with the same cloud of longing I know made the right choices. 

Having it all isn’t about where you work. It’s about being happy with yourself. It doesn’t matter where you move or who you are with. If you are restless and chasing a feeling, you have to look within. The letters of CEO, MD, PHD might look successful. For some, that might be what brings you happiness. But I see a lot of friends and acquaintances whose lives look great on paper but good lord. I think they spend so much trying to find someone to share these successes with that they are empty. 

What was the point of chasing a dollar if that dollar can’t bring you what you really wanted? 

I say this all as a broke ass teacher with a kid in travel baseball. If you know, you know what I mean by that. My husband and I give up nearly every weekend with our oldest chasing his dream. At this point, we had our chances. We lived what we wanted to. My husband has a lifetime of experiences that can never be replicated. I traveled to different states and countries, absorbing what I could of the world. We’ll get our chance to do what we want once our oldest heads out on his journey. 

But whenever I wonder if I should have taken the jobs in Arlington, Bristol, or Chicago, I get notes from students. They tell me how I am the reason they are staying in school or alive. I look at my own children and see how happy they are that I am at every game or event. Something that I wouldn’t have been able to do working at a bigger network. 

So do I have it all?

I have a husband who spends every weekend with me. My kids are happy and healthy. Do I have as much money as I once did? No, I am a travel ball mom. But I wouldn’t change it for a job or a false ideal once sold to us when we were kids.

Chase your own dream and who cares what people say. Success is what brings you joy, nothing more and nothing less.