To begin, it’s Father’s Day here, so a heartfelt Happy Father’s Day to my wonderful husband, Ken, who’s an amazing dad, and same to my own awesome father—I love you both so much! And now, on with the show!

As you all may or may not know, I currently work in a bookstore on the weekends. It’s an absolutely beautiful little store, with lots of light, custom shelving, and the best part? All the books, of course. The people who come in are equally lovely, but I have noticed some common quirks among the customer base. There are many things that a bookstore IS, but there are also some things that a bookstore is NOT. So here, for your humorous reading pleasure is a list of the Top 3 things a bookstore is not:

1) A bookstore is not a thrift store. Regularly, people come in, look around, gesture expansively, and ask, “Are these all new?” And yes, KEN, I know that some bookstores carry second-hand books, but I don’t walk into Old Navy and ask the sales clerk, “Have all these clothes been worn by people before?” And when I answer, “No, these books are all new”, people often look quite sad or disgruntled because they were ‘hoping to find a copy of X’. The chances of you finding a copy of X in a second-hand bookstore is GREATLY less that you being able to ORDER a copy of X in a new book store, and why would you want a copy of X that someone else pawed over with their greasy hands anyway? (Sorry, that’s just my OCD talking). Once, a guy carrying a large box on his shoulder, swooped into the store and announced, “I have books for you!”

Me: Are you the Purolator guy?
Guy: What? No, I have books to give you.
Me: (confused) What kind of books?
Guy: USED books! I have a ton.
Me: I’m so sorry, we don’t sell used books.
Guy: But they’re in really good condition—see? (Takes old paperback out of box).
Me: Again, I’m sorry but we can’t take them.
Guy: Meh. (leaves)

2) A bookstore is not a library. However, a lot of parents seem to think that it’s perfectly fine to bring their kids in, grab a book off the shelf, and read it to them. Now, I have no issue about parents reading to their kids in the store—in fact, we have a small kids’ table and a comfy chair just for that. But we ALSO have a very nice selection of ‘store copies’ of books for kids to read while their parents wander around ignoring them.

Me (to toddler who has taken a copy of Stephen King’s The Shining off the shelf): Oh sweetie, I think that one might be a little too old for you. Here’s a nice stack of books for you to read. Do you want to sit at the little table?
Child: NO! I WANT THIS ONE.
Me: But look—here’s a book about Corduroy The Bear. How about—
Child: NOOOO. (grabs another book off the shelf and rips out a page).
Father of Child: Sigh. I guess we have to pay for that one?
Me: That’ll be $29.99.

And in the same vein: a bookstore is not a daycare. Please do not send your small children in while you wait in line for a loaf of bread at the very popular bakery next door. I love small children, I really do, but I don’t know YOUR small children and I don’t feel it’s my place to take them to the bathroom because you need carbs. And of course, the worst thing is when people bring their kids into the store, let them look at all the books, read to them, get them all excited, and then won’t buy them anything. I’ve had my heart broken a couple of times by a child crying because they thought they were getting the book they’d been carrying around for half an hour, only to have the parent say, “Maybe another day,” while simultaneously buying THEMSELVES the latest 900 page romantasy. And I get that some people maybe can’t afford new books, but again, the library is literally 3 blocks away. And you CAN take those books home.

3) A bookstore can’t help you remember the book that you know literally nothing about:

Customer: Do you have that book about the guy, and that woman, and there’s an island, and a storm?
Me: That’s maybe like half of all the mystery books in here. Do you know the title?
Customer: No.
Me: Do you know who wrote it?
Customer: No.
Me: Do you remember what the cover looks like?
Customer: I think it was blue.
Me (pretending to search on the computer): I’m not seeing it in our system, sorry.
Customer: Okay, thanks.

So yes, it has its quirks, but I really do love working there. Surrounded by books? That’s living the dream.

In other news, I’m pretty sure why this guy is looking for wood fence panels. We’ve been lucky this year, and I hope I’m not jinxing anything by saying that Atlas has yet to be sprayed, unlike last year where he was 0-5 against the skunk that took up residence under our shed. This year we just have a lot of rabbits, and they’re adorable, especially the tiny ones. I only wish they wouldn’t eat my lupins. I’ll have to find out where TJ gets his fence panels from…