In my life I have several periods of depression and I could not see beyond it. My experience is that – reminder I am not a medical professional and I’m a Doctor of Creative Writing! – sadness and depression may be confused. I have found that when you are sad you can still have joy alongside it, but in depression it is through a glass darkly. Perhaps it’s different for you. Depression, for me, involved intense feelings that were just awful and I often felt deeply isolated, stressed and numb. I think periods of my childhood and adolescence were spent in depression too, and I knew it wasn’t right because I had felt happiness. This was the impact of events within the family home and the sense that no-one, anywhere, would believe. I still get snatches of that feeling now – but it fades.

Depression has a way of knocking you out and it also lies; it says, you will never get better: this is not recoverable. It’s an awful thing, but if you are managing it, know how common it is too. I am not, for the purposes of this blog and because I am not qualified to say, going to write anything about medicines or therapies, because that is not my place. I AM going to tell you about a book that has been my companion for a many a year. It’s by the late Australian psychologist Dorothy Rowe, who remains a bit of a heroine for me. I have been told by some that she is rather old fashioned, but I have been in and out of the system for years and I can tell you that I STILL find fresh insights and comfort from her work. Rowe was always particularly interested in how we create meaning and in this book, below, she explains that just as you created meaning through a series of pictures of the world, so you can create new meaning and different understandings. Isn’t it simple? That takes work, but, hearing it for the first time, it’s like soft rain on a dry soul. Here:

I have always adored Rowe’s warm and forthright style and her range of literary examples, which appeal to a bookworm like me and I encourage you to have a look at the book.

Gradually, over time, I have had fewer and fewer periods of depression because I have learned to think and behave differently and my, it has not been easy. But I leave you with a few things.

The first is that, perhaps, how you are feeling is a reasonable response to the life you are not living not being right for you. In my case, I had so many unhelpful thought patterns ingested because of what was repeatedly said to me about myself, myself and others’ view of me, and what I was capable of – either nothing or only bad things – that I needed to unlearn that this was not the whole of the world, but what I had been taught. I recall a very particular day when the scales dropped from my eyes and actually thinking how fresh and bright the colours around me were. I cried and cried with relief. I had to deconstruct that monolith inside me so I could begin to live a life that was right – or better – for me.

Now I want to say, please do not be ashamed and furthermore to reiterate that you are far from alone. I hope from this place can come new understanding and new life for you. I know that this has been the case for me.

Finally, there is work to be done and how long that takes is unique to the individual. I said above that depression lies – it says you’re no good and this will never end. It is not so.

I have so much to say on this topic, but all my posts in the alphabet need to be brief.

With all my love and with encouragements,

Anna.