A few years ago, I constructed a 10 by 4-foot raised plot in a shabby section of our lawn. Since the soil was sandy the task seemed laughably simple. Hah!

I began by digging out the soil and extracting the weeds so I could mix the old soil with rich topsoil and humus. I encountered roots much worse than those of quack grass. The roots went deep and spread everywhere. When I pulled, they broke off. I knew from previous experience that every piece would start a new plant. Removing the soil and straining out every root fragment took a week of spare time.

The author of Hebrews used roots as a metaphor for bitterness. “See that . . . no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”[1] Bitterness is a deep-seated, often unconscious, attitude that sends up harmful shoots at unpredictable intervals.

While reading a magazine the other day a flash of resentment surfaced about something that happened 25 years ago. Why would such an irrational thought pop up so unpredictably? Hadn’t I dealt with that decades ago? The roots must be deeper than I thought.

Experiences like that underscore the importance of dealing quickly and decisively with relational conflict. The author of Hebrews introduces his warning about bitterness by urging; “Make every effort to live at peace with all men.”[2] Failure to live peaceably, lovingly, joyfully with one’s neighbour or family leads to strained relationships which sow the seeds of future bitterness.

Bitterness is ubiquitous: victims of crime, labourers treated poorly by contractors, homebound wives unappreciated by their husbands, indigenous tribes neglected by governments, children of absentee parents, cancer sufferers. Some parents even feel bitter about a child whose birth curtailed their freedoms.

Bitterness can choke friendships, ruin family relationships and strangle churches. Its roots will poison our hearts and defile our lives. Many psychological studies have shown that harbouring bitterness is like swallowing a slow-acting and deadly poison.

James dramatically explains its origin. “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight.”[3]

Let me clarify. We all have desires. Some are normal but others arise from wrong motives—desires that balloon into lusts. Anger arises when something or someone blocks us from getting what we want. Anger often spawns a quarrel which may spiral out of control into a shouting match, a physical fight, or—in extreme cases—murder. If we hold anger inside and never deal with it, it becomes internalized producing resentment. Over time resentment develops into bitterness.

Notice the connection between bitterness, anger, conflict and slander in the following verse. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”[4] The Scriptures often connect these attitudes and actions. (See Rom. 1:26; 2 Cor. 12:20; Gal. 5:20,21)

The best way to avoid bitterness is to stop it from taking root. How? By rejecting feelings of resentment toward others the moment they arise. At the onset of such a feeling, we need to confess it to God and ask him to replace it with love. If we expressed our resentment openly in words or actions, we should ask forgiveness of the person who was our target. On the other hand, if we became the target of another’s anger we still have a responsibility to seek reconciliation and express forgiveness.

Genuine Christians are commanded to forgive others as Christ forgave us. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Christ calls us to forgive those who make us angry, block our desires or hurt us in some way.

But what do we do if bitterness has sunk roots deep into our psyche? Like the weeds in my garden, deep-rooted resentments are hard to eradicate. They require the radical help that only the Holy Spirit can give.

Every time a bitter thought surfaces—perhaps the memory of a betrayal or slander or injustice—we need to confess it to God as sin, and plead for his help in rooting out its source. We may have already dealt with the issue, forgiven the person involved and considered the matter settled. Unfortunately, since we are human, memories often continue to surface.

Corrie Ten Boom suffered under the Nazis during the Second World War. She struggled to forget a wrong. She had forgiven the person, but kept rehashing the incident at night. After two sleepless weeks she cried out to God for help. Help came in the form of a kindly Lutheran pastor. When she related her problem to him, he pointed to a bell tower. He explained that after the sexton let go of the bell rope, the bell would keep on swinging—DING, DONG, DINg, Dong, d-i-n-g. The notes would get slower and slower and quieter and quieter until finally with a last ding the sound stopped.

He said, “I believe it is the same with forgiveness—when we forgive we let go the rope, but if we’ve been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn’t be surprised if the old angry thoughts keep coming for a while. They’re just the ding dongs of the old bell slowing down.”[5]

And so it proved to be with Corrie. She felt a few more midnight reverberations, a couple of dings when the subject came up in conversations. But the force of the anger dissipated as Corrie’s willingness to hang on to the matter disappeared. The memories finally faded. The root of bitterness had been eradicated.

By an act of the will, we must choose to let go of the bell-rope by turning from bitter thoughts the moment they arise. Sweet forgetfulness will gradually overpower the bitter memories and suffuse our lives with tenderness towards others.

Sins require forgiveness. Imagined faults are another matter. In my experience the bulk of bitter thoughts can be traced to misunderstandings about the motives of others, imagined slights, unintentional mistakes, accidents, human foibles, differences of opinion or dissimilarity of temperament. If our interpretation of another’s actions is the source of our bitterness, we have a problem that needs to be dealt with privately at the throne of grace, not by going to the person involved. In these cases, we must learn to exercise forbearance.

Bitterness poisons too many lives. Let’s open our hearts to the probing work of the Holy Spirit that he may root out any fragments of resentment that lie buried within. (This devotional barely touches this vast and very important subject. For a fuller treatment I’d refer you to my book, The Guide to Revolutionary Forgiveness.[6])

Lord Jesus, you were tempted in all points just like us. I know you had to deal with anger. Help me to follow your lead and become a forgiving person, and—as much as is possible—to live at peace with all men. Enable me to deal lovingly with people who knowingly or unknowingly hurt me. Keep resentments from festering. Root out every form of bitterness. Lord, please suppress all those imaginary slights that I tend to nurture. And yes, I have to admit that I sin against others. Give me the courage to go to those I hurt to ask for the forgiveness. Lord I know how wonderful it is to be at peace with you and all your children, so please help me to eradicate anger before the sun goes down every day.

[Watch for a reprint of Down A Country Road, a devotional book that takes us through the four seasons.]

(Let me know your thoughts on this subject. If you appreciate this blog, please pass it on. If I can help you spiritually, let me know. Further articles, books, and stories at:  Facebook: Eric E Wright Twitter: @EricEWright1 LinkedIn: Eric Wright ; Eric’s books are available at: https://www.amazon.com/Eric-E.-Wright/e/B00355HPKK%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share)

[1] Heb. 12:15

[2] Heb. 12:14

[3] James 4:1,2

[4] Eph. 4:31

[5] R. David Roberts, Forgiveness, Wheaton, Leadership, 1987, p. 48 (Roberts quotes from an article in Guideposts.)

[6] Eric E. Wright, The Guide – Revolutionary Forgiveness, Darlington: Evangelical Press, 2002