Last night, I came across a photo of me and my dog, Molly. It brought back a flood of emotions that I had pushed down for a long time.

Molly wasn’t just a dog. She was my comfort, my constant companion and my safe place during a time when I was isolated. When I was living with an abusive partner, the moments I took Molly out for a walk were some of the only times I had a little relief from what was happening behind closed doors. Her presence gave me comfort, affection and another reason to keep going when life felt unbearably heavy.

Domestic Abuse and Pets: The Painful Reality Few Talk About

When we talk about domestic abuse and pets, there’s a hidden layer of hurt that often goes unspoken, the loss of beloved animals who are left behind when survivors flee for their safety.

One of the most painful aspects of escaping abuse is the grief. Not just the trauma of what you endured but the crushing loss of everything you have to leave behind in order to survive. For me, Molly was one of many losses. I couldn’t take her with me when I finally left and it still sits heavy when I am reminded of her, despite being 11 1/2 years physically free. 

To this day, I think about her. I wonder where she is, if she’s okay and if she’s even still alive. The guilt and sorrow still rise unexpectedly. She was part of my survival story and yet, she’s gone.

When Pets Are Victims Too

Pets often become collateral damage in abusive households. Abusers may harm or threaten animals to exert control and for many survivors, the thought of leaving a pet behind is enough to delay or prevent their escape entirely. The deep emotional bonds we have with our pets are not easily severed. They’re not “just animals” they’re family, they’re lifelines.

Unfortunately, many domestic abuse shelters still aren’t equipped to accept animals, leaving survivors with an mentally challenging choice: stay and protect their pet or flee and find safety. Pets can be another reason not to leave, but not the only one. They’re often 100 reasons to leave and a 1,000 reasons to stay which is the message of my debut novel, Isolation Junction. 

The Unseen Losses of Escaping Abuse

Leaving abuse isn’t a clean break. It’s not just walking away from one person, it’s walking away from a life. From your home, your belongings, your routines, your identity. You may have to let go of your friends, community, dreams and sometimes your pets.

I grieve for Molly and I honour her. I honour the way she kept me grounded, the way she sat quietly by my side when I cried, the way she reminded me what love without conditions felt like. 

How to Begin Processing the Loss of a Pet After Abuse

Losing a pet in this way comes with layers of guilt, helplessness and unresolved grief. If you’re carrying this type of pain, here are some gentle ways to begin processing it:

🕯️ 1. Acknowledge the Loss Fully

Give yourself permission to grieve; your pain is valid. 

📖 2. Create a Memory Space or Ritual

Write a letter to your pet, light a candle, frame a photo. These small rituals can help validate your bond and begin healing the involuntary separation.

🗣️ 3. Talk About It (If You Can)

Grief needs to be witnessed. Whether with a therapist, trusted friend or an online support group. Speaking the truth of your experience can lift some of the weight.

✍️ 4. Journal Your Feelings

Writing helps bring clarity. Try journaling about your pet, the memories and what you wish for them. This can be a powerful but also a private way to release your emotions.

🌱 5. Honour Their Role in Your Survival

Pets like Molly weren’t just companions; they were protectors, emotional anchors and often silent witnesses to abuse. Recognising their role in your survival story helps transform grief into honouring their role in your life at such an arduous time.

💜 6. Get Support Specific to Pet Loss After Abuse

There are now more organisations addressing domestic abuse and pets. Some shelters offer fostering programs or reunification plans. Even if you’ve come through the other side, it’s healing to know you’re not alone and that your experience matters.

To Those Carrying Silent Grief, You’re Not Alone

To anyone reading this who has had to make impossible choices, who carries silent grief that the world doesn’t always acknowledge… I see you.

Your losses matter.

Your story matters.

And your strength, even in the moments you feel weakest is something to be deeply proud of. 

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The post The Untold Grief of Domestic Abuse: When You Have to Leave a Pet Behind first appeared on Jennifer Gilmour.