#demotivated

I feel so emotional this evening.

Everything, everyone says is hurting me so deep and quick today. The feeling made me cry . I realised how much stronger I had grown up to be all these four years into blogging.

I never took anyone’s tone personally. I always could maintained my upbeat mood. It all was unconsciously done.

Though today, I felt so sensitive. Out of nowhere, the strong, protective, nurturing wall around me was breached for a brief period of time.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to distract myself by watching YouTube or reading novel.

My mind felt so clouded with panicky thoughts. I didn’t know,  I had this kind of fragile side in me.

I tried speaking to my sister, my game friends. The feeling started to recede away. But soon after, my mom corrected me on something with a sharp tone, tears started falling from my eyes.

While I am writing this blog, especially the previous sentence made me cry again.

I saw ‘your name’ anime movie again just now. I never see a movie for the second time but I did for this one.

The thing that showed me a direction, a sign was my Instagram feed.

I felt finally free from all the soul crushing feeling in me subside and replaced with hope. The wall is still healing.

I made this previous image my lock screen.

The image below is my home screen. A look reminding the why of my dream and the dream in itself.

Ok dears. I love you so much.

Thank you