When Your Spouse Is Driving You Nuts: Speak Now, Later… or Not at All?
Let’s talk about the moments we don’t post on Instagram.
The ones where your spouse is not charming, thoughtful, or helpful—but is instead being downright obnoxious, insufferable, or just plain irritating.
Maybe it’s snapping for no reason. Or saying things with a tone that makes you want to sleep in another room.
Or maybe it’s insisting on going on vacation while coughing up a lung, ignoring both your concern and the fact that we still live in a world where germs exist.
Yes—this happened. We were packed, ready, and excited. And he insisted, “I’ll be fine,” while hacking into his sleeve like it was no big deal. I wanted to say, “What about me? What about everyone else?”
But instead, I bit my tongue. At least at first.
So what do you do when your spouse is being… a lot?
You ask yourself:
Do I speak now? Wait until later? Or let it go entirely?
Speak Now — if you’re calm
In that moment, I wasn’t calm. I was irritated, worried, and frustrated. So instead of speaking from a centered place, I would’ve spoken from a triggered one. That would have made things worse.
But if you can speak in the moment from a grounded place, you might say:
“Hey, this doesn’t feel thoughtful of me—or others. Can we slow down and talk through this?”
Speak Later — when emotions settle
On day two of that trip, when we were both more relaxed, I brought it up. I told him how I felt—about the germs, yes, but also about the disregard. It wasn’t about the cough. It was about how he made the decision without considering me.
That conversation went better because we weren’t in the heat of the moment.
Say Nothing? Sometimes…
There are times when silence is grace. But it can’t be your go-to if you’re feeling disrespected or unseen. Otherwise, silence becomes a slow burn of resentment.
Here’s the truth:
Marriage is full of moments like these. And navigating them takes more than patience—it takes intention.
So the next time your spouse is acting out or acting up, ask yourself:
What will serve this relationship best—right now, later, or letting it go?
Not every moment needs a fight. But every relationship needs honesty, even if it comes with a cough. 
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
