Humans are Weird - Consequences “It is a fundamental maxim of any civilization that survived long enough to invent spaceflight,” Council Leader Fourth Flap was saying, calmly and slowly – so calmly, so very calmly, you had to be so calm when pointing out things like this. “Laws should be as few as possible, as general as the situation allows. Making a new law for each iteration of-”
“I know Seventh Click’s maxims of good government as well as you do!” Fourteenth Trill snapped, waving his wings in fluttering frustration. “Of course I agree with them! But Seventh Click never had to deal with humans! I know this is the fourth-fifth -”
“Fifty-seventh,” Council Leader Fourth Flap (calmly) interjected.
“Fifty-seventh regulation suggested this year -”
“Suggested by your wing alone,” Council Leader Fourth Flap pointed out, deliberately shifting a pile of regulations suggested by other wings with a claw painted blue.
Commander Fourteenth Trill actually stopped talking and followed the bright blue wingtip with his eyes, his ribcage expanding and contraction with his frustrated breaths, even as his nostril frills danced in the tiny wind thus generated.
“I know,” Commander Fourteenth Trill growled out in tones low enough even a human could hear them. “I know, just please listen to my explanation of why this particular regulation is needed before you decide to lump it in with the general safety mindfulness regulation set.”
“Actually I was going to ‘lump it in’ as you say, such a colorful human phrase that, with the non-sapient sentient organism cruelty regulation set,” Council Leader Fourth Flap murmured, shifting the papers around. “But do present the thermal as it rises.”
“That’s – fine, very well,” Commander Fourteenth Trill said, rubbing his winghooks over his sensory horns. “We were doing a survey of Planet 754-x3. We had already cataloged many of the local non-vertebrate species and had identified one nest building arthropod species of particular concern.”
“The Too-many-legs-why-does-it-need-that-many-legs-nothing-with-wings-needs-that-many-legs species,” Council Leader Fourth Flap confirmed looking over his notes. “You might want to suggest the human with naming rights shorten that.”
“Yes, yes,” Commander Fourteenth Trill responded with an agitated little side hop, “as the breeze takes the flight. We had been fling from sun up to sun down for days and we all needed a rest, but you know how robust humans are.”
“The report says that the lead human Ranger, ‘took a few hours of napping and then got up to amuse himself’,” Council Leader Fourth Flap read.
“Yes,” Commander Fourteenth Trill agreed. “He was alone for hours-”
“And why was that allowed?” Council Leader Fourth Flap demanded.
“Humans need alone time!” Commander Fourteenth Trill snarled, his fur bristling defensively. “They aren’t like us! If you don’t give them time without the stimulation of friendly presence they go all wobbly mentally!”
“Very well,” Council Leader Fourth Flap said soothingly. “I accept your explanation. Now go on.”
Commander Fourteenth Trill looked like he wanted to give a few more flaps to defend his choice of leaving the human alone but he merely shook out his joints.
“We were all, the rest of the camp, Winged and human, were either napping or grooming ourselves when he came running back towards the camp bellowing out a pain warning. There was a flight – a swarm really – of the leggy things flying after him. He made it through the containment field into the decontamination area, but not before they had severely bitten the exposed areas on his hands and neck.”
Commander Fourteenth Trill gave a fully body shiver at the memory.
“I have been told that humans bleed quite freely from head lacerations,” Council Leader Fourth Flap observed.
“They do,” Commander Fourteenth Trill said in a hollow tone. “The medical flight went out to tend him. It took them hours to clean the blood out of their fur after, but they got the bleeding stopped. All while the leggy things were throwing themselves against the containment field again and again.”
Commander Fourteenth Trill paused and seemed to be debating if he should add something.
“It turns out the leggy things have some sort of collective memory,” he said. “While they responded to none of the other humans, the lead Ranger was never able to go outside of the containment field again without being attacked by whatever hive of leggy things was in the area, and they are everywhere in that region.”
“Very interesting, but not relevant,” Council Leader Fourth Flap agreed. “Now, what was the human’s justification of his actions?”
“He said he just happened to have the perfect throwing rock in his pocket,” Commander Fourteenth Trill said, “and the leggy thing nest was at the perfect target height, just ‘a humming and a buzzing like the wasps nests back home’.”
“And that was incentive enough for him to, ‘chuck a rock’ at it,” Council Leader Fourth Flap observed, examining the report.
“Yes!” Commander Fourteenth Trill exploded. “And that is why I feel it would be a perfectly ordinate response to make a regulation specifically forbidding ‘chucking rocks’ and inoffensive arthropod nests!”
Council Leader Fourth Flap gave a thoughtful hum and sifted through the papers in front of him.
“I will consider your argument,” he agreed. “Please leave my office.”
Commander Fourteenth Trill looked like he was ready to continue his presentation for the rest of the day but visibly bit back his next round of arguments and flew off with a huff. Council Leader Fourth Flap stared down at the image of the bandaged human. Surely, this had been just the impulse of the moment on an under-stimulated Ranger, he mused. How reasonable would it be to assume, how offensive would it be to propose, a new regulation that implied that the average human didn’t know not to ‘chuck rocks’ at the hives of known dangerous insects?
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