Notes: Let's get back to Hiram's hijinks!

Title: Quaint Escapes for Traitorous Bastards, Ch. 5 Pt. 1 

***

Chapter Five, Part One

Go To Sleep, The Sun Is Risen

The sky was already lightening from black to blue by thetime Hiram collapsed in his bed. The work of repositioning the messenger’shorse had taken longer than he liked—he’d run into two more along the main roadonce he got there, which was downright ominous and required careful use of obfuscationand a little bit of Phlox’s sparklier powers to get around. Hiram was fairlysure his solution had worked, but he was equally sure it wouldn’t work forever.Maybe not even for long. A messenger would get through to Lollop eventually,and then…

That was a concern for another day, though. Right now, allhe wanted to do was sleep. He didn’t even take the time to change, juststripped his jacket and boots off, threw them into the chair beside the bed,and crashed onto the decadently comfortable mattress face-first. He was asleepbefore the birds really got going, which was the best he felt he could hope foras he drifted off to sleep.

He awoke to a bang and a shout. “Wha th’ hells?” Hiram mutteredto himself as he reluctantly opened his eyes. That came from downstairs—it hadto be the front door, given that he still didn’t have a back one. But who wouldbe calling on him so early in the morning?

He was tempted to ignore it. He didn’t have any deliveriesscheduled for today, he didn’t anticipate any social visits, and if it was Tilda,well. She knew he didn’t have a back door, didn’t she? No need for her toknock. Yeah, that…that sounded just fine. Hiram closed his eyes again, then—

“No, Da!”

That…didn’t sound good. That was the sound of someone frantic.Hiram pushed up onto his feet, wincing at the pain in his legs and back fromhis riding spree—thirty miles in the course of a single night was far too muchat his age. He clambered down the stairs, rubbing his eyes, and opened the doorjust as a man yelled out, “Give it bloody here, I said!”

“Give what where?” Hiram croaked as he looked at the pair onhis porch. Once he realized who it was, he straightened up a bit and leveled aglare at the larger of the visitors—the rabbit man who left his children tosell his wares while he drank the day away. “What are you doing here?” he askedcoldly.

“Hello, Master Emblic!” the girl to the left put in beforeher father could speak. She was going very quickly, and had a tremendous smileon her face that seemed out-of-place with the franticness of her greeting. “I’vegot that rabbit you ordered yesterday!”

Hiram blinked. “Um…ah.”

“Our Knight, you remember him, sir?”

Knight…ah right, the fire and ash rabbit. “I doremember him,” Hiram said slowly. “But…ah…”

“And I’m very sorry to say,” Letty—yes, that was her name,Letty—powered on before he could continue. “Sorry to say that there was a foxattack last night, and he took a bit of damage, but—”

“Stop running yer useless mouth,” her father roared. “Thisis a load of tripe, this bastard didn’t hand over money for a rabbit,and if you’re tryin’ to tell me that you sold him one on credit then you’llbe wearing stripes so fierce you can’t sit down for a month, girl.” He reacheddown for the cage at their feet, but Letty was quicker and had it open beforehe could pick it up.

“A, a fox got into the hutch, but Knight kicked him out,”she went on breathlessly. “He took a few bites and his ear is a bit messy now,but I’ve patched him up real good and—”

“Ain’t fit for nothin’ but stew and you know it, youbint of a—”

That’s quite enough of that. “Ah, Letty!” Hiramclapped his hands together. “Delightful, thank you for bringing him by soearly.”

“Early?” Letty looked confused. “It’s almost noon, sir.”

“Early in the afternoon,” Hiram said with an effortlesspivot. “Forgive me, I spent a long time working on my house yesterday, it leftme worn through. Yes, of course I’ll take Knight today.”

The man’s face went from red to puce. “You did sell arabbit on credit,” he growled, his rage with his daughter seeming to climb evenhigher. “You…you…”

“My good sir,” Hiram said with a sniff, “you can hardlyexpect me to carry the sort of gold this rabbit is worth on my person at a busymarket like that.”

The puce receded a little as the magic word infiltrated thebig man’s blocky head. “Gold?”

“That’s right, gold,” Hiram said. The girl was looking somewherebetween gratified and panicked, and Hiram thought very carefully about what hewas going to say next. He needed to ensure he didn’t make things worse for Lettywhile also not giving her brutish father an excuse to lean on him, or her, formore money.

“It’s only because this particular morph carries such asymbolic importance in herbology,” Hiram went on. “Specifically the herbalknowledge of the north, where I come from. The fragmented pattern, the hot andcold colors interweaving as they do, and all on a rabbit big enough for a smallchild to ride? That’s more than a pet, that’s an omen. As soon as I sawKnight, I knew I had to have him.”

“Do ye now?” Letty’s father squinted. “Then I reckon you’rehappy to pay ten gold slips for ‘im.”

The girl went pale, and Hiram didn’t have to be a wizard toknow that he’d just been quoted a price that could pay for a princely number ofrabbits. Misha’s rabbit probably hadn’t even cost ten gold slips, and she wasthe princess of the entire damn empire. “I wasn’t, in fact,” Hiram said coldly,since he wasn’t about to be played by this bastard.

“But—” Letty began.

“But I’m willing to accept that total for Knight as well asthe work your daughter will be doing around my house for the next…” He did somemental math. “Six weeks.” That seemed like a safe amount of time to get her outof her unhealthy home and see if he could help her find a new path. That he hadto at this point was a given—what kind of young woman would argue with herabusive father over the fate of a rabbit and hang her hopes on a man she’djust met yesterday to do it? She had to be crazy…or perhaps, she was simplyvery, very lucky.

Hiram intended to find out. “If, that is, we have a deal.”

The big man stared at him, then snorted and spat a huge loogieonto the far side of the front porch. “Done,” he grunted. “Get the money.”

“Of course.” Hiram closed the door expecting to hear anargument start up immediately, but there wasn’t even a whisper of sound. Heheaded upstairs for his purse of unending wealth, took out ten slips, then headedback downstairs to make what might very well be the strangest purchase of hislife so far.