Strap On, Strap Off

LOL. Okay, sue me. I was a big fan of the original Karate Kid movie (wax on, wax off), and I admit that I also watched the recent series. But I’m getting off track from the actual topic. I came across an article citing 11 struggles with strap-ons, and, of course, I had to share it with y’all, along with a small amount of commentary. I’m going to come completely clean and admit I have zero experience with strap-ons, which is probably why I don’t believe I’ve ever included one in a sex scene in one of my books, except maybe a passing reference? Write what you know, right? Anyway, for those of you with little to no experience, you might appreciate this blog. Here’s what I learned:

Selecting the dildo is key. Apparently, they come in various shapes, sizes, and colors. Even I knew this! I suppose color might be important if a person prefers realism over fun and fantasy. Personally, I think a rainbow colored dildo could be a lot of fun. I suspect size is super important, too big and it could be super uncomfortable, too small and it might be less fulfilling…Trying different shapes and sizes is the best way to determine the right size for you or your partner, as one size does not fit all.Harnesses also come in different styles. Who knew? I thought they were all leather or fake leather. Nope, you can purchase fancy lace-up leather ones or basic elastic harnesses. Remember the old adage, though, you get what you pay for. Cheap ones will slide around, dig in, or break easily. Practicing before the main event is encouraged because apparently it takes time to custom-fit to your body. If both partners enjoy wearing the strap-on, I suspect buying two might help with tailoring each to fit their respective bodies.Using the strap on is hard work! If you work out, include exercises that build your hip and core strength; it will definitely make a difference. You’ll use your leg muscles, hips, and whatever aerobic conditioning you’ve developed. I’ll bet yoga and deep breathing exercises help as well. The advice on breathing is to sync your breathing to the thrusts. Going in, breathe in, coming out, breathe out. Pretty easy to remember. If you’re new to strap-ons, it makes sense to start out slowly.Changing positions (from missionary to your partner on top or from behind) can be awkward. Inevitably, the dildo will slip out. Well, duh, this also happens to heterosexual couples…not a big deal.There is such a thing as strap-on porn. Who knew? It’s recommended to watch that as it’s a great teaching tool. The Crash Pad Series is a favorite for those who are interested.For those into anal sex, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that lots of lube is recommended. Water-based, to be specific, because many dildos are made of silicone or other rubber. No coconut oil or any oil-based lubricant like baby oil. Recommended positions to avoid hurting your partner are doggy style or cowgirl. Side Note: I had to look up cowgirl. For those who don’t know, it’s one person on top riding the dildo.I guess it’s important to connect with your strap-on so that it becomes, in essence, a part of you. Walking around with it, whether it’s in your own home or out and about, tucked inside your pants, is a good way to get comfortable with wearing a strap-on. You could also wear one at home while doing everyday activities, such as watching TV, reading a spicy book, or scrolling through Facebook. You get the idea!So…what do you do with your strap-on that’s given you many hours of pleasure with a partner when you break up? The top advice is to go shopping for a new one for two reasons. One, you may have emotional memories tied to your strap-on that are difficult. Two, a new partner might not appreciate using a hand-me-down that was used on an ex. Don’t be cheap. Buy a new one! If you and your new partner are fine with keeping the old strap-on, by all means, save the money, but that’s not usually the case.I can’t even imagine not cleaning a sex toy, but in case this hasn’t occurred to every single one of you, it’s pretty clear that NO ONE LIKES A DIRTY STRAP-ON! Lukewarm water and mild soap directly after use…well, not like two seconds after you pull out, but don’t wait several days! Make sure you dry it with a clean towel. Store your beloved toy in a separate bag from other toys in a cold, dark place.

So, there you have it. Strap-ons incorporated into sex scenes seem to be something that readers are increasingly looking for. So, even if you don’t have firsthand experience, you may now have more information to either write or evaluate the scenes written by your favorite authors. I might even give it a try and incorporate a strap-on scene in one of my future novels. In the meantime, feel free to check out my books. You know the drill, just click the links below! BTW, there are still some free Audible codes available for both The Kitten Trap and Trouble in Paradise, especially for UK readers and listeners!

The Invisible Woman: A Lesbian Superhero Story Available for pre-order now!