Have youever asked yourself this question: Is honesty really the best policy? BenFranklin said that it was, and old Ben is someone I respect, but I was watching a video that features British comedian and writer Athena Kugblenu, and she discusses “TheFine Art of Fibbing” in a rather humorous way. It really got me thinkingbecause the idea that lying is socially acceptable seems a bit odd to me.

George andthe Cherry Tree

UnlikeGeorge Washington, who supposedly said, “I cannot tell a lie,” when his fatherasked him about cutting a cherry tree, we have all told lies big and small.When we were kids, we learned about “white lies” that were supposedly okay totell. If I knocked over the flowerpot and my mother yelled at me, I would say, “Thedog did it.” That was a so-called white lie. Thankfully, unlike little Pinocchio,we didn’t have a nose that would grow when we lied and give ourselves away.

WhiteLies?

White lieswere rather inconsequential. If I broke a glass in the sink, I could be sparedif I started to cry and say, “It slipped out of my hand,” when in truth I hadknocked it over carelessly when I went to wash my hands.

So, wehave all told white lies. “The dog ate my homework” was an often-used lie toldto teachers, but my teachers – stern, habited nuns – weren’t buying it. Eitherway I was punished, so that white lie had consequences.

Truth or Consequences

As I got older and started working in an after-school job, white lies wouldn’t cut it. If Iwas late and blamed the bus for not being on time, it didn’t matter. My pay was still docked. If Idented my father’s car and said that I didn’t do it, I could count on getting drivingprivileges taken away for a while. What worked for me as a kid no longer workedbecause there were always consequences involved.

In theadult world we can lie to the boss about why a report isn’t done on time, butthat won’t make things any better. Coming home from work late, we can say thatthe boss insisted we stay for overtime when we really stopped in the bar for afew drinks with our coworkers. Our partners might believe us until they smellthe whiskey on our breaths, and then the crap will hit the fan.

ParentingWhite Lies

Athena Klugbenu
In Athena’svideo she gave a good example of a parenting white lie. Her kids always don’twant to brush their teeth, so she warns them if they do not brush them that she will throwtheir iPads in the garbage. Of course, she has no intention of doing this, butit gets them to brush their teeth every time because they don’t know that.

As aparent, I have used many threats – some of which I cannot believe I used – but hadno intent on carrying them out. One of the best was “If you don’t do (blank), I’mnot mailing your letter to Santa.” It worked every time!

AwkwardFib Situations

If I go towork on Monday morning, and my boss comes in wearing a new toupee, I can bediplomatic or I can be honest. If I tell him, “Gee, you look great,” what harmwill that do? If I say, “It looks like you have a gerbil on your head,” I couldbe looking for new job before lunchtime.

We haveall faced situations like this. I remember a funny Seinfeld episode where thegroup went to a beach house and were asked to come in and see the new baby.From Jerry and the rest of the gang’s reaction, we know the baby must have looked likean ogre, and it is funny because they cannot say that.  

When YouCannot Lie

So, youmight ask, when does lying or fibbing or whatever you want to call it reach apoint of being unacceptable? The answer is simple – your untruth cannot be toldif it seriously damages a person or a business. This is where we must draw ared line.

Oneexample of this is when your best friend tells you that he is going to ask hisgirlfriend (let’s call her Jill) to marry him. Now, you didn’t want to tell himwhat you know – you saw Jill out in a club with another guy, she slept with oneof their friends, and so on – but now you don’t want him to ruin his life. Ofcourse, telling him what you know and kept from him might just ruin yourfriendship, but you’re trying to save the guy.

Lyingabout someone’s clothing may seem inconsequential, but let’s say thatthey are going to a job interview later that day; it is probably best not tofib and tell them the truth. This will give them a chance to either rescheduleor go home and change their clothes before they sit down with the hiring manager.They can be mad at you because you hurt their feelings, but if they get the job,they will probably rethink their anger.

To Fib orNot to Fib?

As awriter and editor, I have read many essays and stories over the years. If itsomething personal – like a diary or journal – I might be tempted to gloss overissues that do not matter to the person because nothing is at stake. However,if that person is looking to publish that book or submit an essay for a gradein school, fibbing time is over. I must be truthful with the person, and I’lleven offer my help if they want it.

In theend, we all know we cannot lie all the time. If someone invites you to a partyon Saturday night, and you tell them that you have other plans and stay homeand watch Netflix, you can do that once. If you continue to do that, you areprobably going to lose that person. Maybe you do not care, but maybe you shouldif the person means anything to you.

Pinocchioor Ben?

So, ishonesty still the best policy? In the best of all worlds, no one would everhave to tell a lie – white or otherwise. However, fibbing has its place insituations where you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings unnecessarily. Thebottom line is that if the lie is going to harm anyone or destroy someone’slivelihood, then honesty is the only way to go. While we can all be Pinocchio occasionally,lets strive to be more like honest Ben Franklin as much as we can.