Over the past several years, I’ve been doing some digging. A deep dive (as far as I can possibly go) into my family history.

Maternal grandparents, Aldwin and Daphne Brown (Peters). San Fernando, Trinidad, September 16, 1951. Paternal grandparents, Huge Cunningham and Eileen Cunningham (Ramsey). Princes Town, Trinidad, 1949.

Knowing that I have ancestors is such a beautiful blessing. But knowing is not enough. I want to have knowledge of them by name and character. Although some have visited me in my dreams, I want to feel their connectedness in the fibers of my being. Because in knowing them, I gain a deeper understanding of myself and discover the root of my family cycles.

Thankfully, I’ve had time to sit with my elders and hear stories, which then led me to collect records and beautiful photos. Around 13 years old I took a few old family photos from my grandmother’s photo album in Queens, NY. To be honest, I didn’t ask her for permission, but I promised myself that I would take care of it. These photos were, and still are, precious to me. It gives me a glimpse of the memories they must have experienced in those moments captured in time. 

Eventually I told my grandmother that I took the photos, and she let me keep them, allowing me the chance to ask questions to know more about their journey. Having the photos gave me an opportunity to get to know my ancestors better and ask questions I may not have thought about without them.

That same curiosity I had as a child, asking endless questions, now fuels my work as a documentarian, always searching for the truth in people’s stories.

It was the knowing of their stories that I learned to develop empathy without quite knowing how to put that understanding together. As I grew older, I realized I was connecting personality traits with the experiences of my family’s personalities. I realized that character traits are a result of our upbringing.

Maternal grandfather, his mother, and siblings. Top left to right – Irving Brown (b. 1918), Ethelina Brown (b. 1910-1911), Celina Brown (b. 1913), Aldwin R. Brown (b. 1920, my grandfather); Bottom left to right – Evans Brown (b. 1916), Juliette (Yaa) Brown (great-grandmother), and Mildred Brown (b. 1907-1908). Punsin (not shown), born in 1904, died at 3-years-old. Siparia, Trinidad, date unknown. Paternal great-grandmother, Eunice Ayers (my father’s father’s mother), and her sister (Rosie). New Grant, Trinidad, 1940s. Paternal great-grandfather, Fleming Peters (my mother’s mother’s father). Penal, Trinidad, 1980s. Paternal great-grandmother Lila (my father’s mothers’ mother). Location and date unknown. Paternal grandfather, Hugh Cunningham. Trinidad, date unknown. Paternal grandmother, Eileen Cunningham (Ramsey). Trinidad, date unknown.

I truly believe that being aware of someone’s experience, especially in childhood, allows us to connect the dots to who they are as adults and gives us an opportunity to be empathetic. This doesn’t mean certain behavior should be excused. Instead, it allows us the ability to see life through someone else’s experience.

I won’t use this space to reflect on decisions that my elders could have done differently, for I can only imagine how traumatic it must have been at that time for them, as well as their offspring. I am a product of them, and I know that with all the challenges they have faced, they were human. 

Paternal grandmother, Eileen Cunningham (Ramsey), and her sister. Trinidad, date unknown. Maternal great-grandparents (far right), with my grandmother (in the middle, holding papers), her sister {to her right}, and my aunt in-law, Nora Lewis (my great-grandmother’s brother wife). My grandmother was flying to the US for the first time on this day. I don’t know the other people. Piarco Airport, Trinidad, 1969. CLOSE UP – Maternal great-grandparents , Fleming and Cecelia Peters (White). Piarco Airport, Trinidad, 1969. CLOSE UP – Maternal grandmother, Daphne Brown (Peters) (far right), her sister Sybil Peters (left), and aunt in-law Nora Lewis (in back). Piarco Airport, Trinidad, 1969.

So instead I’m going to use the space to simply share these beautiful photos, open the space of forgiveness for decisions they may have regretted or maybe never even considered, and learn from their example to break certain generational cycles with my children that no longer serve us.

And although I haven’t met them all, or I may not remember them much, my ancestors make it very clear that they are with me. They make sure that my dreams are not forgotten and push me beyond what I can see.

For that, I am truly grateful.

A toast to my ancestors… and to yours. May we learn, forgive, and carry their stories forward.

Maternal grandparents, Aldwin and Daphne Brown (Peters). San Fernando, Trinidad, 1950s.