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On my birthday, May 19, 1997, we went to the Hillsborough Humane Society to adopt a companion for my cat Sarah. I was thinking a male, about 2 months old. She was female, 3 months old, and had other ideas. The moment we walked into the kitten room, she called me and made me pay attention to her. It was love at first sight.

We took her home and named her Shana. Sarah never liked her, but it didn't matter. She was my baby. For the next 15 years, she slept on my chest every night, and sat on my lap or on her towel next to my computer every day. She was my angel and my constant companion. I spent more "quality" time with Sarah and Shana than any human I've ever known.

With Shana, signal / (signal + noise) = 100%. Every nanosecond with her was pure joy. I can't remember a single instance otherwise. I went to the humane society to save a life; little did I know that it was my life that would be saved.

In her routine annual checkup in 2008, Shana went through a series of increasing invasive tests until she was finally diagnosed with 3 separate terminal diseases. She had shown no symptoms. Her doctor gave her weeks to live. We were devastated.

But Shana didn't know. She continued to be her same joyful self, showing no symptoms until 6 months ago. We had tried quite a few interventions, but nothing worked, so we just let her be.

Even though she had lost over half her weight, she continued to eat well and keep me company every day and night. On Saturday morning at 2:25 a.m. she woke me with her breathing to let me say goodbye. She was gone 10 minutes later.

I have had many experiences and people in my life, but to tell you the truth, I don't think I've ever been lonelier than I am right now. My heart is broken and my life seems empty. In 10 minutes, I will try to write the first code without her since 1997. I don't know how I'll do it, but I imagine I'll manage.

This may sound strange to many, but this morning it occured to me one of the main reasons for religion: never seeing her again seems incomprehensible so we have to invent a scenario where being with her is once again possible. I don't know about any of that, but I sure hope it's true.

Shana, I've loved you forever and I will love you forever, but now with a broken heart. Please visit me in my dreams,

I love you.

Eddie

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