there were holes in my heart
that I filled with people
who used subtle gestures
like wooden swords
to hurt me gently
now there are splinters gnawing
against wounds that were healing

For as long as I can remember, I have been longing for something profound to happen that would make sense of everything around me. I learned in the most brutal way possible, that kindness does not come naturally to everyone.

We live amongst people who cannot comprehend the meaning of kindness, and people who despite knowing, cannot bring themselves to be understanding of it.

There are days when I wallow in self-pity and drown in my own toxicity, it is so easy to get swallowed into the pit of darkness that we are all desperately trying to escape from.

I spent months wondering why someone would hurt me with words that serrated through my skin. I carry the remnants of their knives with jagged edges on my back. The echoes of laughter are etched around my clouded memories, the silver linings are stained red, and no matter how much I searched for meaning, I could not understand the reason why they treated me in that way.

In their mind, they were just being honest and there is nothing wrong with being honest… except, there is when your honesty becomes arrogance, it blurs the truth and turns into disrespect. There are many ways to express authenticity, without being rude, without degrading another human being.

It would have been easy to break my seal of kindness, to crack open the swear jar and direct their cruelty back in equal measure, but that is not who I am. I would bravely stand at the center of a warzone without any shield, then attack people who were projecting weakness.

The thing is, after all the battles I fought without any armour, it was not my scars that provoked them, it was my strength. It took me a long time to realise, but people are intimidated by those who overcome the kind of things they never could.

I understand now, that our perception of the world is a reflection of who we are and not what we see. The way we feel about ourselves determines the way we treat other people.

My heart aches with every beat, but I will keep choosing kindness, because that is the only way to make this world an easier place to live in. I understand things that those who hurt me might never, and it is okay because they have to live with the same monsters inside of their head. Remember this, the next time someone hurts you, allow yourself to feel the pain but try not to succumb to it.

Look for the things that bring out the kindness inside of you, and in your search, there will be cruel people to face, draw your boundaries with a clean sword and walk away. Let them have their opinions, even if they think the worst of you, they might have it all wrong, but that is who they are choosing to be.

You be mindful, loving and kind. It will make you a happier person and those alike will gravitate towards you. It is not an overnight thing, but for as long as you keep choosing kindness, kindness will exist.