“What do you speak about?” 

This is a question I’m asked pretty often, and it seems like the answer should be simple. For years – 13 years actually – I’ve answered this with a very “it depends” tone in my voice. There are good reasons for that. My research and ideas are constantly evolving. I tailor my message to the audience to whom I’m speaking. I genuinely believe that every group grows stronger by learning about navigating change and resilience. 

All that said, I’ve recently uncovered another reason I don’t answer this question in a consistent, straightforward fashion. It’s because… I’m afraid to do that.

If I were to be boldly, baldly honest, what I speak about is controversial. Counter-cultural. Maybe even so different than what we as a society believe that I fear telling people right up front will close their minds to any further conversation or learning. Because here is what I talk about:

Stress is not the problem. 

See? That is so different than what we normally say that it’s hard to take it in. You are still reading (thank you!!) either because you’re an unusually open-minded, curious person or because we’ve built some trust between us in these emails over time. But most people can’t hear this message, it’s too different.

As a society we have learned to fear stress more than just about anything. We hear messages that stress is the silent killer. As a matter of fact, when I was in med school our professors said “Stress is the new smoking – make sure your patients avoid it at all costs.” 

My med school professors were right – stress can be damaging. We have to avoid or minimize the damage by knowing our limits, recognizing the warning signs in our own minds and bodies. Not just the red flags, like substance abuse, risky behaviors, or sabotaging relationships, but the yellow flags as well – the behaviors or feelings that tell us we need to ask for help now, before we get hurt.

And my med school professors were wrong.  Stress is a tool, not a toxin. Just like every tool, it can hurt you if you don’t know how to use it, but you can’t build without it.

I have lots of science to back this up, metaphors to make it more obvious, strategies to handle it – but this is the core of all my work. 

How does it land with you?

All my best,

Dr. G

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