Yes, I lied to one of my heroes, but I didn’t lie to get the job. 

I enjoyed many highlights in Hollywood. My first and second came when filming an episode of Hill Street Blues, my first television role. Booking that role alone was a highlight, as my goal in coming to Hollywood was to get on that show. And less than two years later, voilà. But that cake came with icing. During filming, I met a gentleman, an amiable man in his eighties, who sat in the courtroom as an extra. The day was long, well past eleven hours, but this man continued to enjoy himself, seeming to glean energy from the much younger cast and crew. When I asked why he spent his time here and hung in after so many hours, he said, “I love being around all of you young, creative people. And I love coming to this lot. It keeps me close to my daughter.” “Who’s your daughter?” I asked. He said, “Mary Tyler Moore.” Of course. We were filming at MTM Studios, owned by you now-know-who.

Other Hollywood highlights included appearing on a Seinfeld episode alongside my father. Getting the part, working with, and getting fired but still getting paid on The Golden Girls. Yes, still a highlight. But I made the “Girls” look older than they were. So, the producers replaced me with a much older man. I also worked with Tom Hanks in Castaway, directed by Robert Zemeckis, produced by Steven Spielberg.

But right up there at the top was meeting and auditioning for my comedy hero, Mel Brooks. When I was a kid, every time I saw him on Johnny Carson, not only did tell hilarious stories, but he also often jumped on Johnny’s chair, couch, or desk. I thought that guy is so much fun. If I ever had a Hollywood party, Mel Brooks would be the first I’d invite. Though I’m not sure my furniture would feel the same.

My agent sent me out on a casting call for Mel Brook’s latest comedy, Dracula: Dead and Loving It. I stepped into the audition room and was shocked to not only be greeted by Mr. Brooks himself, but by many of the character actors from his movies who flanked him. I stood and stared at the faces of what could be considered, the Mel Brooks Hall of Fame, whom all seemed to have a say in who got the job. Though they put me at ease right away, I still had to settle myself before I began.

My role required a British accent. After, he asked if I was really British. Having a George Washington I cannot tell a lie kind of moment, I said, “No, I’m from New Jersey.” Mel said, “You did great. However, for union reasons, we need a real Brit, but don’t go anywhere, wait outside.” A good sign, I thought, until I saw a room packed with actors who apparently got the same note. 

A few minutes later, Mr. Brooks entered the room, hopped up on a table, and graciously thanked all of us for coming in. Then he called out, “Porro.” I stepped forward; all eyes in the room were now on me. Mr. Brooks then asked, “Are you related to Joe Porro?” Being honest just lost me a job in a Mel Brooks film, so the heck with that. I said, “Yeah, he’s my uncle.” Might not be a total lie since we were most likely related in some way. Then Mr. Brooks said, “Tell him he still owes me the ten bucks I lent him when we were stationed at Fort Dix.” “I’ll tell him,” I said.

When I got home, I made Mr. Brooks a custom thank-you card (I had a greeting card line. Another one of my non-profit endeavors). I added a $15.00 check and a note. “I gave my uncle Joe your message. He told me to send him a check with interest and tell him to get off my back already.”

After receiving it, his office called. “Of course, Mr. Brooks could not accept the check.” I knew that, but that’s not what I cared about. I asked, “Did Mel laugh?” She said, “Yes.” And I pumped my fist in victory. Even though I didn’t get the job, my lie to Mel Brooks was totally worth it because it made my comedy hero laugh. And that just may be the pièce de résistance of all my Hollywood highlights.

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